Save me from myself

I have come to the startling realization that I annoy the piss out of myself. In fact, if I were my friend, I would pretend I didn't know me and walk the other way when I said "Hi!"

All of those utterly annoying things that other mothers do that I swore I never would, yeah, well, we all know how well THAT turned out.

1) When Tristan was first born people used to say "He's so tiny!" and I would have to resist the murderous urge to wrap my fingers around their neck and shout "I just pushed this kid out my body WITHOUT DRUGS, you want to call him tiny again! Huh? Do you?"
Now what do I do? "Oh look at the pictures of Tristan when he was first born, honey, isn't he tiny? *shudder* I disgust myself....

2) Baby talk. I thought I had the self control to talk to my child like a normal human being. Who was I kidding? "Does Tristan has a poopy diaper? Ewww! Stinky! Better go and change your bum bum!" And to think that I considered majoring in English in University. Next...

3) We all know about the sweat pants. Don't I look fabulous?



4) I have stopped showering every day. If my hair looks decent, I will forgo the daily dip under the water. Why? I'm lazy, plain and simple. Not showering means I have an extra half hour to sit on my ass. And who doesn't want that?

5)Before I had a baby I was disgusted by people saying "Oh he's just so cute I could eat him up!" Is cannabalism supposed to be a compliment? Now I totally get it! I have been caught with a foot in my mouth (not mine, Tristan's) from time to time. I had to find out if babies tasted as good as they smell.


6) I am mothering my husband. I tell him to put his shoes away, hang up his pants, monitor what he's been eating, 'cause you know, not enough fibre could be bad for your prostate.

Here I thought I would be this hip, chic, diva of the suburbs... instead I'm schlepping it with the rest of you. And you know what, I guess that's not so bad afterall. I know some pretty freaking great moms out there, despite all of our quirks, that's what makes us moms. What more could I ask for?

Oh NO!

Now remember when I said Milo was a thief?

Well, the little shit has upped the ante. He stole my wedding rings! (I'm hoping Milo stole them anyway, the other alternative is that Chloe ate them)

My rings have been loose for weeks now, and last night while lying in bed I finally got sick of it and slipped them off to rest on my night table. Of course, I thought nothing of it, and in fact entirely forgot that I had taken them off until just a moment ago and they're GONE! Little buggers, I hope I find them before Nick gets home.

And honey, if you're reading this I love you, and don't worry, if I can't find them insurance should cover it. And no, you can't kill the cats because of it.

This is what heaven looks like....

That's right, they are ALL asleep. Ahhh, peaceful silence...

What do I have to do, scream for sympathy?

I fell down my basement stairs last night, or rather, I fell up the stairs. It's a rare talent the women in my family possess for completely missing the next step and falling backwards. Nobody could ever accuse us of being graceful. I was trekking up from doing my umpteenth load of laundry, and fell back down five stairs scraping and bruising my shin and whacking my hip. And what does my lovely husband do about it? Nothing! He was washing dishes in the kitchen and completely ignored my plight. I spent the rest of the evening pointing out the injuries I had sustained, trying to lay on the guilt that he didn't come to rescue me. His defence was "I thought that you were either dead, or didn't need help." Obviously if I had really wanted sympathy I would have bawled at the top of my lungs until he came to save me. Lesson learned - when in doubt, take the lead from Tristan and cry for attention. What's good enough for him, is good enough for me.

I have a problem...

I used to think that I was a a shopaholic... but I have now realized that it's not just shopping I'm addicted to, it's spending money in general. I hold on to this shallow view that the next pair of jeans, that next cookbook, the next whatever is going to complete what I have and change my life. After that purchase I'll be done, I swear! (yeah right) The truth is, it's never enough. I stumbled across this blog called Enough is Enough, and she has truly inspired me! This woman has set herself the goal of not buying anything for six motnhs (there are exceptions, of course). And I am going to attempt to do it!

Here are my rules:

Acceptable:
Food & drinks
Toiletries (only NECESSARY items, use up items before replacing)
Cleaning supplies
Christmas gifts (Nick & I made a list)
Exceptions: USED clothing items can be bought with the proceeds from consigned items

No-No’s:
Clothes
Shoes
Books/ DVD’s/Magazines
Furniture & decorative items
Kitchen gadgets, dishes, & linens
Toys
Electronics

Now, here's the difference with me - I'm not just going to attempt to this for 6 months, I am going to try to do this until Nick and I move into our new house. We have all these grand dreams of landscaping our new yard, and being able to decorate it so that it is just right, but that takes money. So do I want yet more books that will sit on my shelf and not get read...or do I want a Mountain Ash for my backyard? It's all about priorities.
And here it is.... this is what our goal is:



I also want to kick myself of this consumerism habit. I don't want to raise Tristan in a world where he feels like he needs stuff to make him more complete. I don't want him to be defined about what toys he has, what clothes he wears.

....and now my confession. In writing this post I went to upload our house picture to Flickr and found that I had reached my upload limit for the month and I almost paid the $24.95 for a pro account *smacks self* Bad Sam! BAD!

They're what we like to call "special"

My cats have issues, big issues. I have had cats all my life, and I know that, like people, they all come with their own quirks. My cats don't just have quirks though, they have problems.

Let's start with Chloe, beautiful fuzzy little Chloe. As most of you know, she's got a pee issue. Now, we thought we had solved the pee issue, but nope, a few days ago she did it again. She also did it again this morning. I think she waited until we loved her enough to try to handle it before starting it again. Not only does Chloe have the pee problem, she has chewing problems. Perhaps she thinks she's a dog, but this cat will eat anything and everything within her reach. She just about ate clean through the power cord for my breast pump. She shows absolutely no mercy with elastic bands, she can devour one in 3 seconds flat. I was trying to have a nap on the couch this morning until I was startled by Chloe chewing on my leather belt. She also has teeth marks all over her collar tag from trying to eat it (maybe she thought it had a chocolate centre). I have truly never seen anything like it! Dogs I understand, but not cats.... she's an odd ball. She's been trying to cope with having a new little brother by hiding in the basement. Much to her chagrin Milo found her hiding place this morning and decided it looked like a good place to cuddle:



Then there's Milo. We've nicknamed him "Stinky" because Milo farts whenever he's relaxed. It's such a shame because he's so cute and cuddly, but inevitably you'll be cuddling him for a couple of minutes and then he drops a bomb on you. Thanks bud, real cute. Farting aside, he's also a little thief. It started innocently enough with him stealing Nick's socks off the livingroom floor. This I had no problem with because he would carry them into the basement, conveniently closer to the washer. Then he started getting a little more bold, opening up the lid to my cross stitch basket and stealing my thread (thankfully that got stuck in the cat door so he didn't get too far with it). His latest play toy is toilet paper. He takes it off the roll one square at a time, plays with it until it's a shredded mess, hides it under the bed, then takes another square. He also decided that the houseplants made a better toilet then his litter box, thankfully I think we've nipped that one in the bud. Milo is a pretty cool little cat though. We've saved money on cat toys because he thinks the baby toys are just his size:



He even likes to watch TV with us from the comfort of his bed:



Despite it all, I can't imagine life without these little troublemakers. A life without cats is just not worth contemplating. Nick disagrees, he told me if I got another cat he'd divorce me (idle threats....... he knows I'd choose the cats)

Tristan, Month Three Newsletter

Dear Tristan,

Wow, three months old! And what a month this has been. I can’t believe how quickly you grow. This month has been really fun because you’re starting to turn into more of your own person. You smile more, and you have started to laugh. Oh how I love your laughs!

Your favorite source of amusement seems to be the cats. And man do they love you! At the beginning of the month we adopted Milo, a 5 month old kitten. After Rowan went missing we thought Chloe could use a companion so that she would quit trying to use you for her play toy. As it turns out, Milo plays with you more than Chloe ever did, so that plan kind of back fired. They are so gentle though and just like snuggle next to you while you play with your floor gym. Milo’s favorite time is when we’re nursing and he can curl up on the pillow beside you. You don’t seem to mind having a warm fuzzy kitty purring next to you either.

You developed a UTI this past month which was pretty stressful on me and your daddy. I was so worried about your health, but nothing seems to faze you. You were still your bright and happy self through it all, despite numerous doctors appointments and being poke and prodded. Hopefully you’re all better now J

Despite the infection you are still growing like a weed. Who needs to work out when I am carrying you around all day? I think I’m stronger than ever! You love to be held up in the air and bounced around. Anything that will give you a better view of what’s going on is all good in your books. You are so curious now, it’s rare to see you looking in one direction for longer than a split second. There is so much to take in and you don’t want to miss anything!

Last week you came with me to Fernie to visit your Auntie Naomi. I was a little nervous about how you would react to her puppies, but it was love at first sight. Mischa licked your face and your toes and you squealed and giggled your delight, so I guess no reason to worry! Your Auntie Naomi thought you were the cutest baby in the whole world.
We ended up cutting our trip a little short because you have started teething and were not in your most charming of moods. You are such a good boy in the car though and slept almost all the way home.

Since you are growing so fast and are so curious about your surroundings, Daddy and I bought you an activity center with lots of fun toys to play with. I am amazed at all you are able to do with it! You grasp at the blocks, and have fun hitting the buttons to make the kitty “meow” and the cow “moo”, you are so much fun to play with now!

I hate to rush you along, but it is just so fun to see you learn and grasp new things. I cherish each day with you because it is always a new adventure. You seem to get more beautiful with each passing week. How lucky we are!

Love Momma

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Love/Hate

Suffering from a wicked case of "Tristan woke up at 4:30am and no I can't get back to sleep"....soooo, to pass the time:

(in no particular order)

Things I love:
1. Seeing Tristan's smile when he first wakes up in the morning
2. The kitties cuddling on my lap, if they're purring even better
3. Warm cozy sweaters
4. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and a shot of gingerbread syrup
5. Snuggling up to Nick in the middle of the night, especially if I've just woken up from a nightmare
6. Joe Boxer flannel pajamas
7. Singing to Jann Arden in the shower (when nobody else is home to hear me, of course)
8. Misty mornings
9. Jack O' Lanterns
10. The first snow fall
11. Hot bubble baths
12. New books, whether I read them or not is irrelevant, having them near me makes me happy
13. Throw blankets or quilts
14. My mom's meat loaf
15. Driving by myself with the music cranked
16. Having all the washing and ironing done, such a feeling of accomplishment!
17. Trying out a new recipe
18. Watching old TV reruns
19. That first hour in the morning with just me and a cup of tea
20. Fresh summer fruit
21. Getting mail
22. Men's Armani cologne
23. Pretty smelling shower gel
24. Tickling Nick's feet, he always gets the cutest smile
25. Grimm's Fairy Tales

Things I Hate:
1. Getting my hair cut
2. Cleaning the cat litter
3. Public restrooms
4. Packing for a trip
5. Having to pay for car repairs
6. Tailgaters
7. Football
8. Coldplay
9. Ironing
10. Religious zealots
11. Doctor's offices/ Hospitals
12. Hang nails
13. Anything made of brass
14. Cat pee
15. Bad service in a restaurant
16. Buying underwear
17. Soap Operas
18. Having a bazillion remotes to operate the TV
19. When people tell me what the weather forecast is - if I cared I'd look it up
20. The fact that Milo can't clean his own ass
21. Brushing my teeth
22. Waking up hungry in the middle of the night
23. Dogs licking me
24. Having to pee when you're not near a bathroom
25. Construction delays on our new house

Style for Sale

I have fallen into a grave and hideous mommy trap. I have gone to a place that I never thought I would go, and I have done it willingly. Yes, I now wear sweat pants. And not only do I wear them, I love to wear them. Yes, I wear matching sweatsuits and I bum around in runners or flip flops. I have gone against everything that I felt was holy and sacred. I carry around a worn out hobo bag that really should be retired, and no I don't particularily care if that spit up that I thought I wiped up earlier was entirely removed or not - it's just going to get dirty again anyway.

I have cleaned out my closet to take the relics of my old life to a consignment store, and it is full of beautiful spike heeled boots, Kenneth Cole blazers, and perfectly tailored Banana Republic trousers - but that's not me anymore. I don't really pine for that old life, in fact I find it odd that I hardly remember it. Now my dream outfit is a colourful t-shirt, a big comfy hoodie, and a pair of sweatpants that hopefully hides my ass well enough that I can be seen in public.

So how did I get to this point? I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to throw fashion to the wind. I think pregnancy is a transition in more ways than one. Sure that nine months serves as a time for you to read and study up on how you are going to be the best damn mommy there is. But it also prepares you to say goodbye to clothes with "dry clean only" labels and pointy-toed shoes. During my pregnancy I was happy to have a pair of pants that didn't cut off the circulation in my ever-growing thighs, who cared what they looked like! I even owned a pair of brown polyester pants, BROWN! POLYESTER! And Nick married me in that state, what a guy.

Now my qualifications for an outfit are: can I pull up my shirt easily to nurse, does it wash easily, and will it hide puke (or worse) stains if we have an accident while we're out? And, can't forget most importantly, is it comfortable? Stacey and Clinton would be horrified with me.

So, my old style is officially for sale, that is if you happen to still be a size 4 (in which case you OBVIOUSLY don't have children, and if you do, I don't want to hear about it). It's all in bags in the basement, ready to be trucked out to sell. Come on baby, momma needs a new pair of sweats!

Random Update

First an update on Tristan: We had to endure the horror of the doctor's office yesterday. After listening to what a bad parent I was for not having him vaccinated and letting him suck his thumb, we were giving a referral to a urologist (sounds like a fun job, doesn't it?), an appointment for an ultrasound next week, and another test kit. So today I had the pleasure of running urine samples to the lab, thankfully we live close. I'm crossing my fingers that everything will come out okay, it's just stressful. At least he's still sleeping well at night, because I have to admit I'm feeling pretty worn down this week. Feels like somebody slugged me over the head with a 2X4 and left me lying there bleeding.

For some happy news, Milo got neutered yesterday, yay! (Maybe not so yay for him) I'm happy to get that out of the way before he discovered what was down there. Chloe missed him terribly while he was away for the day, so I feel content that she does in fact love him and enjoy his companionship. I have to admit, I was wondering.

I joined Weight Watchers and I'm going back to the gym next week. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight, but there seems to be a stubborn 10 pounds hanging on. Nick and I are hoping to get pregnant again ASAP (I know, it's not likely while I'm nursing), so it's best to be in prime shape so that I can get ready to shock the heck out of it again.

And tomorrow I am off to Fernie! I get to finally see Naomi's house and introduce her to my little man. It's just me and the babe going, which will be interesting. This will be the longest Nick and I have been away from each other since we started dating, it's sad. I'll miss him, but I'm sure he'll enjoy the break from family life. And I will get to keep Naomi all to myself and enjoy a girl's weekend. As a happy coincidence it also happens to be the weekend my parents decided to go and stay at their condo in Lizard Creek so I may be able to get some grandparent babysitting in, and partake of the hot tub and pool.

Have a great weekend everybody!

What's a mother to do?

Yesterday was Day 10 of Tristan's round of antibiotics to clear up his UTI. It seemed to me that it must be gone - he was his normal happy self, he was sleeping well, no more tell tale signs of infection. Then this morning I change his diaper, and lo and behold, there is blood in his urine again. He goes back to the doctor tomorrow, but I can't help already starting the freak out in my head. And I can just see it now, I'm going to go in, they'll take another urine sample and refer me to a pediatrician. All of this culminating with my head exploding because I cannot stand the stress of waiting for bad news.

I'm feeling a bit beaten down this morning. I just want him to be happy and healthy, that is all any mother wishes for her child. So why can't I make him better? If his UTI is in fact still there, I think I'm going to go see a naturopath and explore all of our options.

I hate to think that he's hurting and can't tell me what's wrong. It seems like such a blessing and a curse to be responsible for your child's welfare. It is such a gift, but such a weight on your shoulders to know that the choices you make, or don't make, could affect them in the future.

All I can do right now is wait....and that quite frankly SUCKS.

Breastfeeding in a Bottlefeeding Culture

I just read a fantastic article in Mothering Magazine titled "Taking down the almighty bottle." Basically the whole point the author is trying to get across is that we are constantly bombarded with images of bottles as being the "normal" way to feed a baby, "The incidence of bottle homage are often subtle enough that we do not see them. They operate as a sort of smokescreen." And it's so true! How many of us had baby dolls when we were little girls and we gave them a bottle to feed them? Shower cards and gift wrap usually have bottles adorned across them as the international symbol for baby. It seems innocent enough, but what message are we sending as a culture?

"How did it happen that human milk is denied the propriety off the generic term milk? How did the milk of cows, a completely different species, achieve the honor - and the branding advantage - of milk?" That's an interesting statement to think about. That's some brainwashing the dairy farmers have been able to pull over on us. And to that effect, why is it so socially taboo to breastfeed your toddler, however giving them cow's milk out of a bottle or sippy cup is perfectly acceptable?

"That breastfeeding a child in public is even an issue is one of the most telling examples of the supremacy of bottlefeeding." This is one of those statements that can just get my blood boiling because it's so true! I have been given dirty looks for breastfeeding Tristan in public, despite the fact that I am as discreet as possible. When is it that feeding your baby became indecent? It's sad to me that so many mothers feel that they need to hide, and it's that exact perception of having to be alone and feed your baby in private that makes so many women choose to bottle feed. The perception that formula feeding is easier and more convenient only exists because women are caving to social pressures.

Where the author lost me though was with her comment "Even families who are committed to breastfeeding are prone to unknowingly undermine their success by giving a baby the occasional bottle........ We seem to be willing to risk nipple confusion, a baby's preference for the bottle over the breast, a threatened milk supply, colic, premature weaning, and worse, just so mom can go out for coffee without baby once or twice." Did I miss the whole point here? To me it's all about where the milk is coming from, and not necessarily how it gets into the baby. While I agree that the nursing relationship in and of itself is important, I can count of my fingers the number of times Tristan has been given a bottle, and it works out to less than once a week since he was born. Do I think this is acceptable? Damn right I do! I think the reason why a lot of women DON'T breastfeed is because of that feeling of being trapped. I don't do it often, but it's nice to know that if I need a sanity break, I can leave the house for an hour and not worry about whether Tristan is going to be screaming his little head off because his belly is rumbling. Is that so wrong?

So I guess I have a few questions to all of you - what can we do as individuals to foster a culture where breastfeeding is the norm? And do you find it offensive when women breastfeed in public?