Dear Tristan,
Why does 9 months seem like such a big milestone to me? This was a tough month because you are really shedding the baby and becoming a little boy, and part of me just aches to have that newborn back - the one that would get that milk drunk look after nursing and stare dreamily up at me. That little baby has been replaced by a big ball of energy that never stops moving, even when asleep.
You are in constant motion - always. If you're in your highchair you're banging on the tray, throwing food or bottles, and wiggling your legs as fast as they'll go. If you're on the floor you're chasing after the cats at lightning speed or rushing to get into something you're not supposed to. You attempt to climb your baby gate, the couch, the coffee table, anything you can find. I have no idea where all of this energy comes from!
The other day you successfully stood on your own for almost half a minute, but apparently didn't find it that thrilling because you haven't done it again. It just seems easier to cruise around on the furniture or grab onto my pant leg for support. I give you one month to stand and walk, and then you're out on the street!
We went for our first trip to the zoo last week with some of our playgroup friends. You didn't seem quite as interested in it as I'd hoped you would be, although you did seem to like the monkeys. You LOVE monkeys - your squeaky bath monkey, your stuffed monkey, the monkey from your toy train, any monkey is good in your books. I find it odd that at your age you would even be able to recognize them!
Your biggest act of rebellion this month has been food. Not that you're picky, you'll eat anything, as long as it's not baby food! You've decided no more mushy, bland food or slimy cereal, you're all about being able to feed yourself. And so I think we spend half of our day cleaning food out of various orifices in your body and wiping it off the floor. You have an interesting palate though, current faves include avacado, tofu, mango, kamut puff, and of course cheerios.
I think the reason why this month has been so hard is that it has also come with the realization that I am going back to work soon. I hope that years from now you will respect that decision and know why I did it. I am doing it so that you will hopefully never know what lack and scarcity are, that you will never want for more education or activities, you will be able to see and experience the world, and you will have two confident and happy parents. I'm also doing it because I think parents need to be more than that one title - I can be your mother and contribute to something larger as well. I hope that you understand that my precious little man, because you mean the world to me and it breaks my heart to leave you. I am sure that you are going to love your dayhome though, I hope....
These are the days to cherish my baby. These last short months where you still smell sweetly like baby powder and your favorite person in the world is your mom. I know that will change... but you will always be my favorite. Even if we are blessed with more children in the future, you will always be my first, and to me you will always represent obstacles overcome and a family born.
I love you my sweet baby boy...
Love,
Momma
xoxoxoxoxo