Memories

Fall always seems the time to reminisce.... to look back on all of our accomplishments and failures, not to judge, but just to remember. To think on the past and pull up those old emotions, slip them on like an old comfy sweater and snuggle into them, if only for a moment. So many random memories have been flying into my head lately...

My grandparents garden in Sidney... my dad and I have been raking up the dead, wet leaves from the back field as my grandfather stokes the fire barrel to send them to their smokey demise. I couldn't have been more than 6, but determined to be a big girl I am hoisting up that rake that is twice my size, wearing my dad's old flannel shirt that scrapes the ground, I am quite the sight. I can just smell the mustiness of the leaves and the ash of the fire. I miss moments like that when it felt like nothing bad could ever happen because my dad and my grandpa would always be there to protect me. It's hard not to long to be an innocent child again...

It's my sister's birthday and she is turning 8 years old. She gets to go away to brownie camp for her birthday, so before she goes she convinces my mom to get her a new kitten. We go to the pet store and Jen selects the runt of the litter, a little calico cat who is so riddled with fleas she is a pathetic little sight. My mom takes pity on the little kitten and brings her home. Jen declares that her name will be "Colours" and I instantly hate it. While she is away I decide that she will be "Thumper" because she is scratching at her fleas so furiously that her back paw makes a constant thumping noise on the ground. She never was Jen's cat, she was mine from the start, and Thumper was my best friend until she passed away just 2 days before my 19th birthday. Even now just thinking of her makes me cry...

I have finally decided that dating is not so bad afterall (as long as you don't take it so seriously). I've been seeing a couple of guys and it's not going so badly. I meet this guy Nick on the internet, I'm not too sure about him, seems like we have lots in common, but he's not my usual "type" (perhaps that's a good thing?) So I figure, what the hell? If nothing else, it's a free cup of coffee. As it turns out, I bought the coffee and we sat outside in the freezing weather as my rolo cappucino gathered ice crystals. We decided to go across the street to the smokey little bar with open mike night, after many glasses of bad wine and irish coffee to warm my frozen fingers, I realize "Wow! I really like this guy".... I go home that night and tell my mom "I just met the man I'm going to marry" She laughs at me, saying that I'm overly dramatic, as always. On our wedding day she remembered my comment though and says "I guess you were right."

Life has been good to me. Sometimes I feel like I have lost more than most people, but I think I have loved more as well. I have had so many blessings in this life, too numerous to count. And two of those blessings are snuggled up in bed having a nap, and I think I'll go join them.