Organic Momma

We've moved!

2007-03-31T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm moving over to vox, you can find me here

My talented husband

2007-03-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Nick had fun playing in the snow yesterday...

Forever fighting...

2007-03-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

I find some days that I am just so frustrated with people and their lack of common sense in respect to environmental issues. What will it take people to understand that their actions are affecting our planet now and for future generations??? WHY DON'T THEY GET IT?

I am far from perfect, I don't claim to be, but dammit, I try. In looking at new vehicles the FIRST thing I look at is fuel efficiency, of course that is tempered with safety but it is about BALANCE. We recycle, we turn off lights, we use fluorescent bulbs. I just get so annoyed when I feel like there are some people that quite honestly could not give a shit about it.

I just wish that I knew how to get through to people because I so desperately want to. A lot of people just seem to have this sense of entitlement that they are the exception to the rule, they NEED their big SUV, they NEED their 2500 sq ft house, you know what? YOU DON'T! A part of me wants to pack up and go to Europe, perhaps we'd fit in better there.

Tristan, Month 9 Newsletter

2007-03-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,
Why does 9 months seem like such a big milestone to me? This was a tough month because you are really shedding the baby and becoming a little boy, and part of me just aches to have that newborn back - the one that would get that milk drunk look after nursing and stare dreamily up at me. That little baby has been replaced by a big ball of energy that never stops moving, even when asleep.

You are in constant motion - always. If you're in your highchair you're banging on the tray, throwing food or bottles, and wiggling your legs as fast as they'll go. If you're on the floor you're chasing after the cats at lightning speed or rushing to get into something you're not supposed to. You attempt to climb your baby gate, the couch, the coffee table, anything you can find. I have no idea where all of this energy comes from!

The other day you successfully stood on your own for almost half a minute, but apparently didn't find it that thrilling because you haven't done it again. It just seems easier to cruise around on the furniture or grab onto my pant leg for support. I give you one month to stand and walk, and then you're out on the street!

We went for our first trip to the zoo last week with some of our playgroup friends. You didn't seem quite as interested in it as I'd hoped you would be, although you did seem to like the monkeys. You LOVE monkeys - your squeaky bath monkey, your stuffed monkey, the monkey from your toy train, any monkey is good in your books. I find it odd that at your age you would even be able to recognize them!

Your biggest act of rebellion this month has been food. Not that you're picky, you'll eat anything, as long as it's not baby food! You've decided no more mushy, bland food or slimy cereal, you're all about being able to feed yourself. And so I think we spend half of our day cleaning food out of various orifices in your body and wiping it off the floor. You have an interesting palate though, current faves include avacado, tofu, mango, kamut puff, and of course cheerios.

I think the reason why this month has been so hard is that it has also come with the realization that I am going back to work soon. I hope that years from now you will respect that decision and know why I did it. I am doing it so that you will hopefully never know what lack and scarcity are, that you will never want for more education or activities, you will be able to see and experience the world, and you will have two confident and happy parents. I'm also doing it because I think parents need to be more than that one title - I can be your mother and contribute to something larger as well. I hope that you understand that my precious little man, because you mean the world to me and it breaks my heart to leave you. I am sure that you are going to love your dayhome though, I hope....

These are the days to cherish my baby. These last short months where you still smell sweetly like baby powder and your favorite person in the world is your mom. I know that will change... but you will always be my favorite. Even if we are blessed with more children in the future, you will always be my first, and to me you will always represent obstacles overcome and a family born.

I love you my sweet baby boy...

Love,
Momma
xoxoxoxoxo

I am happy to say...

2007-03-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

..that I am now an employee of the Meow Foundation. It's very part time, but I'm excited to be able to do something that I love! And I'll be able to do it in addition to other work, so all the better!

It's official!

2007-03-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

The house is SOLD! Our buyers financing went through today and our sold sticker is going on our sign. I am sooooo relieved! I'm glad that it went so quickly and so smoothly. Only 4 days on the market and we sold it for $900 below list, and we threw in our TV which makes Nick very, very happy because he gets to go shopping for a new one.

A photo series...

2007-03-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

A year and a day...

2007-03-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

...that's how long Nick and I have been married now. Anybody who says that marriage doesn't change anything is obviously not married. I can't say whether it changes things for the worse or for better, but it is different. Of course, having a child changes everything as well. I can honestly say though that Nick and I are not the same people we were when we met, I'm sure our friends and family would agree that we have both rubbed off on each other and have been inexplicably changed.

It's been an interesting and wild year, that's for sure... for our next year together I am looking forward to peace and contentment and not so much stress and craziness. We'll see what the universe has in store for us...

Apprehension and a Confession

2007-03-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

OUR HOUSE IS ON THE MARKET!!!!! ACK!!!!! Okay, done freaking out (maybe). I know it will sell quickly, it's just, we're virgins on this and it's a little bit of a scary process. And okay, it's really just more annoying than scary because I have to clean up after myself and every turn and I find that really frustrating with an 8 month old baby.

Oh - and I have a confession - I broke my rule about only using natural cleaners because in my desperation to get the house spotless I had to use some Vim shower cleaner (because lets face it, are there any decent natural shower cleaners that will get glass shower doors clean???)...okay, and lavender pine sol, which I know was not necessary, but chemicals somehow cover the spell of diaper pail and pets better than essential oils. I hang my head in shame.... But I swear the new house will be chemical free just as I kept this one (until now).

How did they find me?

2007-02-23T00:09:00.001-07:00

I just had an e-newsletter from the Green Party in my inbox. I know it may surprise some people, but even being environmentally minded I don't support Green, I'm a Liberal through and through *ducks the flying objects from all the redneck Albertans out there*

Okay, I admit, I voted Green once in the provincial election because well, Ralph Klein sucks and Kevin Taft needs his head examined and I couldn't NOT vote. Now if the Canadian Green Party had Ralph Nader, that may be a different story.

For now... go Dion!

Ahhhh, that's better!

2007-02-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Went out for some retail therapy with Jeff this afternoon. I think I needed it! When I spotted myself in a mirror and saw how awful I looked, I realized I needed a pick me up. A few pairs of jeans, some new tees, and a pretty red satin shirt later, I feel much better! And to appease Nicky I bought him a man purse and some lounge pants, he was very excited.

Honestly, I realized today I had reached a new low for me. It wasn't even like I was wearing cute sweats or something - I was wearing a baggy, shapeless fleece jacket, and I seriously wore white sneakers with black pants IN PUBLIC. For shame!

Tristan, Month 8 Newsletter

2007-02-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,
Yesterday you turned 8 months old on Valentine's Day. You first Valentine's Day, how exciting! You'll have many more years to dread that day as you get older, I'm sure. But this year you got to be my baby valentine and mommy bought you a Winnie the Pooh balloon and daddy gave you lots of hugs and kisses.

This has been a busy, busy month because you have turned into quite the busy, busy boy! You never sit still anymore, as soon as you are on the ground you are motoring. You've gone from crawling to cruising and will pull yourself up on anything and everything (including the cats). I've had to gate off the stairs because you've already taught yourself how to climb up them and I can't turn my back for one second. I said last month I was just waiting for you to discover the cat food... well, you have. You were playing on the floor in the kitchen and I looked down to find you drinking out of the cats water dish - cute - but perhaps not so healthy.

You're eating on your own now, too. If you can fit it in your fist, then you want to put it in your mouth. Cheerios are a huge hit, in fact they are the only thing that will keep you occupied at a restaurant now. Since you can now move you're incredibly resentful of anytime that you're tied down (ie: car seat, high chairs).

You were teething last week and the only time that you would calm down to sleep is if you were in bed with mommy and daddy. I have to admit that although it was frustrating to have you so fussy, it was so nice to have that little piece of the newborn Tristan back. I didn't realize how much I missed your nighttime snuggles and hearing you snore peacefully on my chest. You're so independent most of the time now that I forget how great cuddles can be.

Not only are you motoring, but you are also incredibly chatty! You've figured out how to say dada and mama (even if you don't really know what they mean). In the morning if I don't come to save you from your prison (crib) fast enough I'm treated to a chorus of "mamamamamamamama" over and over at the top of your lungs. The cats elicit squeals of delight and you do some pretty cool beat boxing noises, too. I'm enjoying this time before you can really form words and make sense. Truly enjoying the fact that you can yet ask "Why?" because I know that will drive me batty.

You seem to be at this weird transition period right now - not an infant anymore, yet not really a toddler yet either. It's the best of both worlds I think. I am having so much fun exploring the world with you and helping you to learn. Thank-you for another wonderful month, you really have changed our lives for the better.

Love,
Momma
xoxoxoxox

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to work I go!

2007-02-13T07:30:00.000-07:00

That's right, I've decided I'm going back! Not to my old job, I would rather swallow rat poison than do that. So right now I am in the throws of trying to find childcare for my perfectly adorable little man so that I can really start my job search. I was asking around but how I would go about getting into financial planning, as that is something that has always interested me but just didn't know what kind of education it required and how to break into the industry. I now have coffee planned next week with a lady who works in investments at RBC, and it sounds like a very promising lead! It's exciting to think that I may actually be able to start a career at this point in my life. I know that it's kind of a trap, but it feels like once you have a child as a mother you have to put the rest of your life on hold. I feel so fortunate that it doesn't have to be the case. Plus, by me extending myself out and building up my career, it gives Nick more freedom to be able to explore his career options. Happy me + happy Nick = Happy marriage. Fantastic! Not to mention Happy marriage = happy household = happy baby. So great!

And did I mention that with me returning to work we can afford such luxuries as two vehicles, vacations, RESP & RRSP contributions, a savings account, and possibly a cleaning lady (Nick and I haven't discussed it yet, but whatever, I say it will happen, so it will). I'm very happy in my decision.

Now, to convince Nick that two incomes do not mean that we need a pool in the backyard....

Must stop...

2007-02-03T18:06:00.000-07:00

...eating cookies...

I made chocolate chip cookies the other day and they are soooooo good that I have pretty much not eaten anything but cookies for the past 2 days. Unless you count the nibs, reese's pieces, and milk duds at the movies last night, or the McDonald's for lunch. I am just the picture of health. How do I not weigh 500 lbs?

Somedays he just gets me

2007-02-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

An actual conversation in the car yesterday...

Me: So I was thinking that with the next baby maybe I would just do a hospital birth.
Nick: Why on earth would you want to do that?!?!
Me: Well, I feel like I've had the home birth experience, and it's just so expensive to have midwives, and do I really need to have a midwife?
Nick: Cost is not an issue, it's worth every penny.
Me: It is a lot of money though...
Nick: Even if you have a natural birth and it's intervention free they're still going to take the baby away from you before you nurse and cut the umbilical cord before you want them to.
Me: Very true... (and I'm suddenly picturing my baby in one of those plastic buckets they put them in and feeling sick)
Nick: We're having midwives.

I'm glad that he gets it. I'm really, really glad. I'm glad that he doesn't make me feel guilty about spending money on it, that he doesn't think it's indulgent. Another point to add here as well, with a home birth the father has much more of an opportunity to be involved. My midwife pretty much backed off and let me and Nick labour together. Afterall, it was OUR baby, I might have been the one pushing him out but we were both labouring.

I can't wait to have another baby!

I've done it!

2007-01-27T15:56:00.000-07:00

I have completely eliminated disposable diapers from our household and I refuse to buy them ever again. It's interesting that as soon as you stop making excuses for why you CAN'T do something, you find that you actually can, you just make it work. I always used cloth at home, but had disposables just in case I didn't feel like doing laundry, or for when we went out because they were more "convenient." Truth is, how hard is it to do laundry? And is it really more convenient to throw something out rather than put it in a bag to bring home? Not really.

And I think that I have changed my outlook. In the past when people have defended why they use disposables, I have nodded politely and respect their opinions, after all, we're just doing the best we can, right? Well, now I disagree with myself. You know what is the best you can do? USE CLOTH DIAPERS. It's not hard, it's not gross. It's easier to wash a load of diapers then to pack up your baby and go to a store to buy disposables, and it's gross to think of how many chemicals you're putting next to your babies skin to absorb moisture, GROSS!

So, what'll it be? Are you going to do what you think is convenient for you now, or are you going to do what is going to help save the planet for your children later? Seems an easy call to me.

2007-01-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have set my new blog for my Priestess path, you can check it out here, but it's blank at the moment. Nick is going out tonight to do geeky things with his friends, so perhaps I will be able to add some inspired thoughts once the babe is in bed.

I'm also hoping in the next week to get the blogs set up for the Sunlit Hearth so we can post news and other ramblings on what's going on with that. I don't want to feel pressured to do formal "newsletters", so blogs, that's the way to go in my books.

And man my blog is boring lately, I promise to right something interesting soon. I just have so many thoughts swimming in my head lately, most relating to starting up this business and probably not at all interesting to anyone else but me.

SUCCESS!

2007-01-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Every day just seems to get better and better in the Johnston house these days, must be the The Secret at work! Here are some examples:

Nick got a promotion yesterday, woohoo! I'm very proud of him, now he "officially" gets to boss people around. Let's hope it doesn't go to his head.

I have a couple of part-time childcare jobs lined up until we move into the new house and I can start my dayhome. This will be a huge help to get us over the hump from when my EI runs out until I get my business going.

We had started to become very unhappy with our builder (long, long story, basically residual crap from the old sales guy who has since been fired)...anyway... the president of the company basically said, "I will do whatever it takes to make you happy." So essentially he's paying for 90% of our upgrades for us. He's even putting a built-in china cabinet in the kitchen for us FOR FREE! My tea cup collection thanks him.

And I have had a completely divinely inspired thought of what the heck it is I want to do with my life long term. All of my current quest for knowledge about Reiki, divination, different therapies, they all have a common link. I am giving myself a year and then I am going to start my own wellness company called "The Healing Well" I will focus on doing tarot and oracle card readings, reiki treatments, past life regressions, and colour, crystal, and aroma therapies. This will be great because it's something I can do in the evenings while still running my dayhome, very exciting.

And so life is very, very good. Not to mention that I have the three cutest cats on the face of the planet (they currently have me surrounded), and the most adorable baby boy EVER (don't even try to tell me he's not because he soooooo is), and a wonderful husband who makes me laugh (and often shake my head). Lucky me!

2007-01-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

See my Tabblo>

Decisions, decisions...

2007-01-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Funny how your mind drifts when you're up at midnight with severe insomnia...

Nick and I have decided to try to have another baby. Trust me, this was not an easy decision to come to, there have been so many questions running through my head lately: do I really want another baby? can we handle another baby? do I want to be pregnant again? I kept telling myself that I was happy with just Tristan, that our family felt complete, and it does. I mean, if we didn't have another child I certainly wouldn't be going through my life saying my family was incomplete because of it. I feel like there is something (someone) else waiting for us.

You would think that since I am already a mother that deciding to have a second wouldn't be that big of a deal. In some ways though, it's bigger than it was the first time around. This time it's planned, executed. With Tristan, he was a surprise, completely. No one expects to get pregnant while on the pill! As much as I tried to convince myself that I wasn't ready to have a baby, how could I deny that this child obviously wanted to be born - why else would we have conceived? It seemed like there was somehow less pressure that way. If I didn't feel connected to the baby it was because I was still adjusting to the idea of being pregnant... if I couldn't picture myself being a mom it was because I never thought I wanted to be. So many excuses...

Now this time around, no excuses. I want this. So what if I don't do a good job? What if I physically can't handle it? What if I don't bond with this baby? What if I love Tristan more? Then what? It's my fault. No one else to blame.

But you know what? It'll be fine, it'll be great in fact. Nick is a wonderful father, and I hope that I'm a wonderful mom and will be again.

It's taken me a long time to really get to know my sister and appreciate her for who she is, but now I finally do. I hope that I can give that to Tristan and he can have the joy (and annoyance) of having a brother or sister.

And of course, babymaking is kind of fun too :)

Tristan, Month 7 Newsletter

2007-01-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,
What a month this has been! This had by far been my favorite month with you so far. Where to begin?

We had a wonderful first Christmas with you. You quickly learned how to tear through the wrapping paper on your mountains of presents, although I think you were more interested in the wrapping than the present itself. I still can't believe how spoiled you got, we'll have to temper that next year I think. There are certainly a lot of people that love you very much!

You enjoyed Daddy's Christmas holidays and got to spend some quality time together, just the two of you. Consequently though your schedule was all out of whack and it's only just now that I've somewhat managed to get you back on track. I think you just like any excuse to be up and with the action for the night.

You had a blast at your first New Year's. You got to visit with all of your "aunts" and "uncles" and got treated to lots of play time and attention. You didn't seem so keen on Daddy's noisemakers though (I don't blame you) and you bawled every time one of them was fired off. You even stayed up until midnight and got to be Mommy's first kiss of 2007.

Developmentally, this has been a truly amazing month. In one day you totally mastered crawling and pulling yourself up to sitting, and man, were you proud of yourself! Now you've gotten really quick with the crawling though and have already decided that crawling is not enough, you need to be able to climb up things and are very keen on being able to stand up and walk (lord help us!) Magazines are not safe on the coffee table, shoes are not safe at the front door... I'm just waiting for you to discover the cat food!

Now that you're pulling yourself up on everything we've had to lower your crib to keep you better contained. For some reason that just seems like such a big step, a constant reminder of how much you've grown. You don't seem so much like my little baby anymore, now you're my little man. I keep thinking that one day I am going to have to face the reality that you are going to be a teenager someday. For now, I prefer to forget that and just enjoy your cuddles and your baby smiles and belly laughs.

You've even started to be able to feed yourself (messy as it is), which just shows me how grown up you are. You haven't given up the boob yet though, and for that I'm happy. I think I'll miss the excuse to do nothing but cuddle you 8 times a day.

We tried to start you in swimming lessons this month but the water at the pool was just too cold for you! Daddy said you did enjoy the hot tub though, so apparently you just appreciate being pampered. We'll have to find you a warmer pool and try again because it is just too cute to see you wiggle your little legs and try to blow bubbles in the water.

I am still blown away every day by how much I love you. You truly are an amazing little boy, and everyone that knows you says the same. You're always so happy, so easy to please, you have a smile for everyone and usually a giggle as well. How did we get so lucky? Apparently we must have done something right to deserve such a wonderful little boy. You are my sweetheart.

Love,
Momma
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Being a mom is fun!

2007-01-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

It doesn't change your life at all! It just means that when you're up at 3:00am it's not because you're just coming home from the bar or from a hot date... it means that your baby has a fever and a cold and will not sleep unless they are rightnexttoyou, and if you move even slightly they will wake up screaming. So, you sit, and try not to breathe, in hopes that your little darling will get some shut eye.

This mom things ROCKS!

2007-01-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here, struggling to come up with a reason why I haven't been blogging much lately. Truth is, I just feel boring right now. I haven't really done anything since the holidays finished and I'm back in the "real world".

The cats have done some stupid things, Tristan has done some super cute things, I've been a total raging bitch, blah blah blah - does anyone really want to hear that crap?

Trying to kick the New Year off right by really sticking to our budget because we have NO MONEY after Christmas, I have come to the profound conclusion that budgeting sucks. Perhaps that's why I feel boring? It's hard to feel all snazzy and profound when you lack your Decaf Venti Caramel Machiatto with Whip. I said to A.J. last week that no matter how broke I was, I wouldn't give up my Starbucks, but I'm even struggling to justify that lately. I am left with this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that oh my god, my EI is going to run out soon and then I will no longer have a financial contribution to our household income. Until this whole dayhome thing pans out and is as fabulous as I assume it will be.

hmmm... what else can I go on about.... OH! I'm starting to do this whole Priestesshood Path thingy (such a good way to describe a very important spiritual journey, eh?) I think I may start a new blog for that, because it doesn't really belong here. Also, working on getting some blogs and a newsletter set up for the Sunlit Hearth, stay tuned for that.

And now, I am going to go shower and get my child fed and dressed because I have Clothing Club this morning, and darn it, today is a good day and I'm going to win! (In case you don't know what a clothing club in, you get 12 people together, pitch in $25 and each month of the year you pull a name and whoever gets chosen gets the pot for the month, then all the money must be spent on YOU - clothes, hair cut, spa day, whatever).

And then we also have playgroup... and then I'm going to call Jeff and beg him to poke my legs with needles because my knees freaking HURT, and the last time he did it I caught the needle on the tablecloth which left a really nifty bruise that looks oddly like a Brigid's Cross.

If you're still reading this, perhaps your life is more boring than mine, no?

It's all over!

2007-01-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

The holidays that is, and I couldn't be happier. We had a wonderful Christmas and New Year's, but I was just so ready to pack away the clutter and have my house back. I hate all of the "stuff" that comes with Christmas. For about the first week I love the tree, and the lights, and the ribbons and trim, and then I start to resent it. I found that especially this year when I am surrounded by it 24/7. A cluttered environment makes for a cluttered mind, and mine is bad enough at the best of times.

Tristan seems to be starting to settle back into a routine. All of the excitement of the holidays, combined with dad being home for 10 days, and going through teething and a growth spurt have meant that our schedule has been out the window, I hope the worst is over though! Babies should not be staying up until 1am, I don't care how cute and happy they are.

This week has been all about getting things back together and getting myself organized. The house looks great (if I do say so myself), the laundry is done (ironing not included because I do that, oh, once a year), and Nick and I have been swapping cooking, and it's all working out well! Looks like in 2007 we're headed in the direction of domestic bliss. I have a feeling this is going to be a great year!

Resolutions for 2007

2007-01-01T23:14:00.000-07:00

I know that a lot of people really hate New Year's resolutions, and no matter how bad I am at keeping them, I always enjoy making them! Here is what I am working at in 2007:

- Be more dependable. Since having Tristan I've gotten much flakier than I used to be, don't commit to too much, and if I commit, stick to it!

- Be more eco-conscious and work towards a new goal in this respect each week

- Stop using disposable diapers entirely and just use cloth (I hope to do this by the end of January)

- Spend more time meditating

- Devote more time to Nick, just the two of us

2007-01-01T11:21:00.001-07:00

See my Tabblo>

2006 Year in Review

2006-12-31T04:19:00.000-07:00

What an exciting and life altering year it has been! This was the single most stressful and joyful year of my life, here are the highlights...

January:

Made stupid New Year's resolutions I had absolutely no intention of keeping:
- cut out caffeine (sans chocolate, I'm not giving up chocolate)
hahahahaha, this lasted until a week after Tristan was born, and then, um, not so much
- grow my hair out
This was the only resolution I actual kept, and it was an odd one at best
- stop procrastinating so much
I think the universe just heard the "procrastinating" part, because this is worse than ever
- work out at least 3 times per week
I don't think I exercised 3 times THIS YEAR, let alone in a week

We found out that our baby jellybean was going to be A BOY *gasp* I was secretly terrified.

And on the last day of the month we took possession of our house! I don't think Nick and I could have waited another day to get away from my parents.

FEBRUARY

We kicked off the month by dog-sitting for two American Eskimo Dogs (Sam & Indy) for a whopping 10 days. Have now decided I hate dogs and will never own one of these disgusting creatures. At least cats have the decency to shit in a box and not make you pick it up while other people can see you.

The rest of the month was a blur of getting the house set up and preparing for the wedding.

MARCH

Holy shit we got married!

My poor Timmy died of acute renal failure. Truly one of the worst experiences I have had to just watch the life slowly slip out of her. I still miss her...

And since I have no self control we adopted Rowan two days later. Why on earth did we get a siamese?

APRIL

We bought our lot in High River! And I learned my lesson not to casually mention anything to my husband, because a comment like "Maybe we should look at High River?" means you will have bought a house there within 24 hours.

I finished work mid-month and could not have been happier! My co-workers threw me a wonderful baby shower before I left, and we celebrated with brunch at the Palliser that weekend.

MAY

Back to work! My parents went to Nashville for a conference so I held down the fort at their office. I learned that an Accounting Software company truly is as boring as you would expect.

Nick adopted Chloe from his friend Jordan. She promptly peed on our bed that night, proving to us that yes, we are stupid for having pets. Rowan was smitten though, and they were so cute cuddling together.

Some of my friends hosted a Blessingway for me to prepare me for my impending labour... I don't know if it "prepared" me, or scared the living crap out of me.

JUNE

I spent the first half of the month bitching about being pregnant...

And then our baby boy arrived! All 8 lbs 14 oz and 22 inches of him. Looking back at pictures of him I can't believe he ever looked that small. I loved labour, I know people hate me for saying that, but I did. What an incredibly experience.

I spent the last half of the month bitching about sleep deprivation.

JULY

I turned 24 and left Tristan with a sitter (my mom) for the first time. Most stressful 3 hours of my life.

Tristan decided to rebel against co-sleeping and decided her preferred his crib. Good for baby and daddy, not good for lazy mommy that doesn't want to get up to nurse.

My sister took me to see "Phantom of the Opera" for the second time. I could see it every month and not get bored!

Rowan went MIA and was presumably eaten by the friendly neighborhood coyotes.

AUGUST

Went to Sicamous on our first family vacation (Thanks again, Eldon!) Tristan was a dream the whole trip and we discovered just how much we really needed a break.

We welcomed Milo to our family! (In case you're counting we're now on cat #4 of 2006)

SEPTEMBER

I hit my mommy stride and really started to enjoy this whole crazy experience. (this is my way of saying I did shit all)

OCTOBER

I left the pagan group I had been a member of for the past five years to form a new one. As this path develops I can say that it is really a part of my life's work. It's incredibly, really.

I swallowed my pride and reconnected with an old friend and have been thankful everyday since then. She is such an inspiration and a gift!

Tristan celebrated his first Halloween dressed as a very fierce (and cute) leopard. We carved lots of pumpkins and fun was had by all.

NOVEMBER

Tristan got his first tooth!

In an act of complete stupidity, I adopted a third cat (that makes cat #5 of 2006). Charlie is roughly the size of 2 cats, so it was doubly stupid.

DECEMBER

Tristan had his first trip to the hospital and reminded me of why I HATE hospitals.

Nick's brother came to visit and we celebrated our first Christmas of the year. I remembered why I love the fact that he lives in Victoria. We'll go visit them when we've forgotten why they annoy us.

Celebrated Yule with the Sunlit Hearth and had our second turkey dinner of the month. Oddly enough with all of this eating I got down to my pre-pregnancy size. Woohoo!

Tristan had his first Christmas and was completely spoiled rotten. It was our first Christmas as a family and it was wonderful. I can't wait for next year when Tristan really knows what's going on!

....

And that, folks, was my year! And what a year it was!

I have a firm belief that New Year's Eve should be spent how you want to spend the rest of your year, so our night is going to be spent with good friends, good food, and lots of wine!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Christmas Hangover

2006-12-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

It's always so hard to believe with all of the hoopla of the holidays that it's done... well, not quite, still New Year's to conquer. But Yule and Christmas are over. Now my home is just a disaster of shredded paper, presents strewn about, and a fridge jam packed with leftovers. It was a really good day though. Tristan had a blast on his first Christmas and was thoroughly spoiled. His favorite gift was a Fisher Price animal train from his Auntie Jenny (it's my favorite too because it works for harassing the kitties as well). I tried to give the cats away to various family members, but they were all re-gifted back (dammit).

I now have in my possession a Kitchen Aid Artisan mixer, and Nick bought me various kitchen gadgets so I am all set to start the New Year with a growing waist line from all of the baking I intend to do. Nick is drinking far too much coffee because he's fallen in love with his Cuisinart coffee maker.

Here are the highlights of the day:

Tristan opening gifts

Wearing the crown from his Christmas cracker

And finally, he crashed on Grandpa's lap after all of the excitement

I have issues...

2006-12-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Just for fun, I put Charlie in the jolly jumper this morning. Good times, good times...

And on that note, I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas full of fun, laughter, family and friends.

We're off to my mom's tonight to celebrate with family and a few strays, and tomorrow I'm hosting the big turkey day. Should be fun!

The "Because I haven't updated in awhile, and Kim is complaining she's bored" post

2006-12-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

So, oh my god, it's Christmas in a matter of DAYS! I don't feel ready for it! I should feel ready though - the groceries are bought, the gifts are done and wrapped, the only thing left to do is put the finishing touches on the housecleaning. So why don't I feel prepared? Every year I set such unrealistic expectations of myself for Christmas that are never achievable - I will bake 12 different kinds of cookies, make stuffing from scratch, hand make all of my gifts. My reality is more like - my mother in law paid someone to do the baking, Nick refuses to eat anything other than stove top, and most of the gifts came from Winners. But you know what? It'll be great! I did achieve one of my goals, an Organic Free Range Turkey for dinner, dooce would be horrified!

In other totally unrelated and possibly irrelevant news, Nick and I finally watched "The Secret" the other night, and everybody should see it! It'll change your life. A positive outlook can make a world of difference.

And so, with that, I am retreating to go cross stitch my boy's Christmas stocking which will hopefully be done by the time he leaves home for college.

Sometimes procrastinating is a good thing

2006-12-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

I have had clothes sitting in my basement for months that I needed to take to charity. I had resigned myself to the fact that my pre-pregnancy clothes would never fit again, and to avoid depression I was going to get rid of them.

WELL, good thing they're still sitting there because I'm a size 6 again! Okay, so the size 4's are still a no-go... but half of my clothes will fit me again!

Of course, I will still hang on to the size 8's because we are quickly approaching Christmas and New Year's and there's gonna be a whole lot of eating going on.

Tristan, Month 6 Newsletter

2006-12-14T12:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,

I know I say this every month, but I can't believe you're 6 months old! It seems like such a milestone, 6 months...wow...

Already you have two teeth, and it looks like the third and fourth aren't far off because you have been crabby, crabby, crabby lately and chewing on EVERYTHING!

You already seem to think you're a teenager because you stay up until 10 or 11 o'clock and then sleep in late. Didn't anybody ever tell you the early bird catches the worm? Obviously you'd rather be a night owl. You already scream and talk back to me like a teenage boy, too... I think I've got my work cut out for me!

You are doing so good on the crawling front and I just know you are going to have it completely mastered before Christmas. As I type this you are sliding yourself around on the floor commando style, anything to keep moving! Milo tries to entice you to crawl to him, wagging his tail back and force, you have figured out if you just grab it and pull you get the desired effect anyway - so why bother?

You have become an eating machine. I think we spend 80% of your waking hours feeding you...our routine is pretty much boob, food, 1/2 hour break, then start the cycle all over again. At least I don't have to wonder what we do in our free time, we barely have any!

This was also an exciting month because you got to meet your Uncle Luke, Auntie Anna, and cousin Lara for the first time. You and Lara were just absolutely smitten with each other, you had nothing but smiles for your only cousin. You had fun playing and cuddling with your Uncle Luke, too, he didn't seem to want to put you down! It was a whirlwind visit, but it was nice, and I hope we can take you out to Victoria to visit them this summer.

You are loving going to playgroups, and laugh and flirt with the other babies. You seem to have your eye on Hannah now, but your interest is so fleeting that it will probably change by next week.

I cannot wait to celebrate your first in just under 2 weeks! Despite my best intentions you are getting spoiled rotten this year! But you deserve it, you are just an absolute doll. We went to Daddy's company Christmas party on the weekend and you were smiling and laughing at Santa. I, however, was not happy with the "quality" of Santa, so we went off to the mall last night. You weren't quite as excited this time around though (guess the magic wore off after the first experience?) Thankfully your Nana was there to get you to crack a smile!

I already can't wait to write next month's newsletter and relay all of the Christmas adventures! Happy 6 month birthday, baby!

Love,
Momma

Funkmaster

2006-12-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. I just love that word "funk". It was my junior high English teacher Mr. Worthington that coined the phrase for me. He always used to say that my BF Naomi and I were "in a funk" because we had to walk everywhere as slow as possibly.... really it was just so we could delay getting to class for as long as possible, 'cause like, only total losers got there early.

So anyway, yes, I'm in a funk. Tristan is teething and is being a little fuss pot, which really just wrecks my day in general. And because he is cranky and doesn't want me to leave his line of sight the laundry is behind... and once the laundry is behind the rest of the house just kind of falls apart from there. And since I quite possibly suffer from OCD, the house being messy drives me batty and making me very, very stressed.

And so, that brings me to today. I hope I make some headway today. I showered with some yummy gingerbread spice shower gel and lotion (seemed like a good idea, now I just smell like a cookie), got myself dressed, and I am ready to face the day. And darn it, I will get stuff done! Even if it means Tristan screams half the day - I will make it out of this funk!

Charles in Charge

2006-12-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

Poor Charlie hasn't gotten much airtime on the blog, I wonder if he feels neglected? No worries, he gets plenty of love and cuddles around the house.

There has certainly been an adjustment period for us all. Chloe & Milo still don't quite know what to think of him, after all, he's a big bruiser of a cat being 20 lbs and all. That and he doesn't quite know how to play gently. The poor guy just wants friends! It seems even in the feline world nobody wants to be friends with the fat kid.

Nick seems pleased that he finally has his own cat. Charlie has decided that Nick is his human, despite the fact I'm the one that feeds him and cleans up his shit (how is THAT for loyalty?) Charlie sits and howls at the door when Nick leaves for work until I come and grab him and bring him back to bed... he's quite the big baby when he wants to be.

You can certainly tell that he was a stray. He has an odd obsession with sleeping in paper bags, not playing, just sleeping. I know that to a certain degree all cats do this, but trust me, it's weird.

He's also got this strange habit of nibbling on toes and elbows. If you're brushing your teeth he'll sit there and nibble on your big toe, or when I'm putting on my mascara he sits on the bathroom counter and nibbles my elbow. Issues man, issues...

Charlie's a good boy though. He certainly makes the house seem smaller with his overwhelming girth. Some days I regret the decision to have three critters in the house, I am constantly saying "Holy crap, I have three cats!" But they're all lovely. Our niece Lara on the weekend said "There's a ton of cats here! It's the cat house!" From the mouths of babes, eh?

Anyway, life trudges on... I long for the days when I just had my baby girl, Timmy. She was quiet, snuggly, and tidy. Now I had three hellions that wreck my carpet, piss on my bed, and make an unbelievable mess of the litter. *sigh* I did it to myself, I have only me to blame...

On religion...

2006-12-05T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have just started reading a fabulous book about Spiritual Mentoring by Judy Harrow and it had this passage that I just had to share.

"Historically, people have constructed a wide variety of myth systems and theologies - the bases for many different religions - then related to these facts about Deity, testable observations that can be, at least theoretically, at least relatively, proven true or false. When processes or things are observable and testable, reasonable people can compare their observations, replicate each others' experiments and agree on the results. That's science.

But religion isn't science. We can't test and replicate our experiences of Deity because the sacred is ultimately beyond human comprehension and description. Both honesty and humility compel us to admit that our knowledge of Deity is necessarily limited.

What glimpses we may get are also inevitably filtered through lenses such as culture, class, gender, etc., each introducing its own distortion. Denying these constraints and taking our speculations as literal fact can cause great harm.

...

Modern transportation and communication - most recently the Internet - have made it impossible to live in isolation. If we can truly accept that no one culture and no one mythos holds a monopoly on Sacred Truth, we can learn to live together in peace. Failing that, the culture wars will continue."

Tomorrow is another day

2006-12-05T04:59:00.000-07:00

It's early, 5:00am early, but my schedule is all out of whack from spending Sunday night in the hospital with Tristan. I hate hospitals. In less than 24 hours, it will be the anniversary of my father's death. 11 years.... it seems like a long time. I can still remember going to the hospital with my mother to collect his things. It seemed so cruel, his belongings shoved into a kraft paper envelope labeled "CARPICK, Jeffrey", unceremoniously shoved across the counter by the nurse at the desk. A life, reduced to an envelope of clothing and a wedding ring.

Officially my father died of pneumonia. What actually happened was after suffering from severe diabetes for the last 15 years, his body decided that it finally needed to rest. He had endured experimental surgeries and drugs, been sent to dozens of specialists who all said they just didn't know what to do. On the night of December 5, 1995, my sister came home and found my father in diabetic shock. She called the ambulance and the paramedics said, "Don't worry, he'll be fine." Obviously not... his liver failed and he succumbed to his disease.

Excuse me if I seem bitter when others say, "He's too young to die" and the person in question is in their 60's. My father was 43 years old. His daughters were only 13 and 15, and he predeceased both of his parents. He never saw his children graduate, get married, and have families of their own.

I miss him.... those words just don't even begin to describe it. He's been gone for so long that some days I wonder if he was ever really here. So many stories and memories that now it seems impossible to separate myth from man. I still feel his presence with me sometimes, and it brings me peace.

In the end though, tomorrow is just another day. We are not marked by how and when we die, but how we lived. Perhaps someday I will be able to look beyond this awful anniversary, but 11 years feels like such a short time ago, and then at the same times feels a lifetime away...

2006-11-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

My mom informed me last night that my cousin Carly is leaving for Afghanistan next week. She is an aeronautical engineer with the Canadian forces and has been working on a development team producing new long range missiles. Since our soldiers were deployed before these were designed, she has to go over and train them.

I have mixed feelings on the whole thing. On the one hand I'm thinking, "Oh my god! She's going to Afghanistan!"... but then I think, it's really not any more dangerous then driving your car down the road. The last statistic I heard was that only 24 Canadian soldiers have been killed in 5 years. My mom was kind of freaking out and seemed mad at me that I wasn't more upset. She chose to join the military though. She also chose to be a part of a development team that is creating weapons that could potentially kill thousands of people. She is putting her life on the line, but nobody is making her do it.

I am still dumbfounded that she chose to go into the military in the first place. Carly and I were really close as teenagers, she's only a year older than I am. She was always so bubbly, happy, and just radiated this innocence and sweetness that was just comforting to be around. How does somebody like that decide to develop missiles?

We've grown very far apart now, she's married, lives in Ottawa, and I haven't talked to her in ages so I can't ask why she's made her decisions, or even wish her a safe mission. I hope she comes home quickly and safely and that this whole war would just end already. I think the citizens of Afghanistan have suffered enough already.

And I could not ask for more

2006-11-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

This week has been such an eye opener to how truly fortunate I am.

I have amazing friends who love me for who I am and love my family like their own.

I have a beautiful and healthy baby boy who every single day gives me a reason to laugh and shows me something new.

I have a husband who each day challenges me to see the world a little differently and gives the world's best hugs.

I have a new home on the way that has been designed by us every step of the way.

I have three beautiful furry babies that love me unconditionally and give me warmth and comfort when I need it most.

I have the best mom in the world. She is funny, supportive, and kicks me in the butt when I need it.

There is a lot to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to our southern cousins!

Some days I think my husband is trying to convert me

2006-11-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

...into being an atheist. He sent me this article today and told me to read it.

I don't understand why there's always all this talk about science vs. religion. I'm not against science, but I'm also definitely not against religion. I think that living your life without faith or a belief in a higher power is honestly just plain sad. What's the point to it all?

I could go on and on and on about the difference between religion and spirituality, and the meaning of life, but haven't we all heard it before? It sounds so contrite, but can't we all just get along?

I will worship my deities and honor my belief system the way I see fit. I will continue to believe that the the divine can speak to us through our dreams and messages, and that we can in fact alter our realities by the sheer power of our thoughts and intent. Some people think I'm crazy, and I'm okay with that. Who am I hurting?

I don't care what you believe in, just as long as you believe. Have some faith people! If you can't believe in karma or a higher power, then what's to stop everyone from just acting on every impulse they have?

Too many questions, too little time.... for now I hope that the religious debate will cease in my home for awhile, because a pagan defending Christianity and religion to an atheist is just far too tiring.

Me = Lazy

2006-11-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know when it happened that I became so lazy. Probably about the same time that I realized, "Hey! I don't have a boss anymore!" With no retribution to worry about, I definitely don't have the same fire I used to.

Yesterday I went to the extent of driving to Claresholm to visit Anna so I could avoid housework. (and because I love you, Anna!) It worked well both ways, I didn't do housework, AND Anna made me borscht and cookies. Plus Nick ordered pizza last night... all good things to a lazy housewife.

I'm sure I'm not as bad as some people out there. I do tidy on a regular basis, and heck, I clean on a regular basis too but the house is far from the show room it used to be.

I honestly think I should go get some blood work done.... maybe I'm anemic, or maybe I am truly just plain lazy right now. I think the cats have it right, curl up in a sunbeam from the window and purr the day away.

Tristan, Month 5 Newsletter

2006-11-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,
Yesterday you turned 5 months old! I have a feeling that this is going to be the best month ever, mostly because I think this is going to be the last month that you aren't able to be mobile on your own. You are just itching to crawl and get going!

So many exciting things have happened this month! You have started at Gymboree and absolutely love the songs and being able to play on the tummy mirror. Much to my chagrin you also love Gymbo the clown. I have a deep seeded childhood fear of clowns, but I love you so much I have given in and bought you your very own Gymbo doll for Christmas. See the sacrifices I make for you?

You have become a rolly polley baby this month! You had already mastered the art of rolling from your tummy to your back, but now you have gotten really good at doing a full 360. Now comes the hard part - we have to watch you at all times so that you don't roll away on us. So I guess it's not entirely true that you're not mobile yet... at least we're not quite at the crawling stage though.

You also experienced your first snowfall. After that I think we both decided to hibernate. Much better to cuddle by the fire than play out in the cold.

This month you also got your first tooth! Yay! You have a bit of a Jack O Lantern grin with just the one bottom tooth, it's very sweet. If I say to you, "Where's your tooth?" You smile and point to it with your tongue, you're very proud.

Speaking of Jack O Lantern's, this month we celebrated your first Halloween. You dressed up as a kitty cat and charmed everyone that saw you. No trick or treating yet though, that's against our rules. Which for the record are:
1) Must be able to walk
2) Must be able to hold own candy bag
3) Must have teeth to chew candy
4) Must be able to say Trick or Treat AND Thank-you
But once you are old enough I will show you the ins and outs of cashing in on the best candy.

You have also learned to pet the kitties. For the most part you are gentle, but every once in awhile Chloe's long fur is too tempting and you give it a bit of a pull. They love their little brother though and accept your affection graciously. We also added a new kitty for you to love, Charlie. I think he's your favorite because you giggle every time he comes by when you're playing.

You are so much fun now! I love every moment that I spend with you, even though lately we seem to be spending more time together at 11pm at night. I can't believe you're already 5 months old!!!

Love Momma
xoxoxoxo

I Married Martha Stewart

2006-11-15T17:13:00.000-07:00

Reading the paper on Sunday morning...

Nick: Oooh! Michael's has holiday floral stems and berries on 50% off!
Me: *blink blink*
Nick: Don't tell anyone I just said that.
Me: Oh I'm totally blogging this!

Random Smatterings

2006-11-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

The weekend is over and somehow I feel more exhausted and not at all rested than when it began. I think that's what happens once you have a child, you no longer get "breaks" there is also something to rush off and do.

Charles Fluffy Pants I (or unofficially just Charlie) joined our family on Saturday. He is a big bear of a cat who loves his cuddles and purrs like a jet engine. I think he'll fit in nicely once the other cats stop trying to intimidate him. Let me tell you though Bitchy Chloe and Poofy Milo make quite the pair. Chloe's walking about hissing at anything and everything, and Milo alternates between cuddling Charlie and poofing up like a little fluffy squirrel. I'd take pictures, but I dropped our camera one to many times and it's in the repair shop.

In other news Nick had yesterday off so he joined me and the babe at Gymboree. Not too sure how daddy felt about that, but he put on a brave face. Must be scary to be the only man in a room full of stay at home moms. I had to laugh that when discussion time came around nobody has anything to say because normally the topic is something like, "My husband won't change diapers, what do I do?" And with men around we women like to pretend that we never talk about our man behind their back (yeah right).

Christmas shopping was (almost) finished last night! Just one more gift to go, and I know what I'm buying. This is probably the most organized I have ever been with the shopping, I think it's because with Tristan now I have this new found paranoia of having to wait in long lines....what if he screams?... what if his diaper is wet?...what if he gets hungry???? Not to mention the horror of having to park way on the other end of a cold and snowy parking lot. No thanks!

And there was my weekend pretty much in a nutshell. Not including of course the fact that my dear son did not go to bed before 11:00pm for the last four nights (I think we might have managed 10:47pm last night)... the fact that I spent my Friday night watching "Garfield" with my parents... and that I had to endure a miserable lunch with my bi-polar Grandmother yesterday. Life just couldn't be more fun!

Tristan's Birth Story

2006-11-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

This is greatly overdue, but here it goes (to the best of my memory)

It was 2 days before my due date and I was just starting to fall asleep when I felt a really strong pain in my back and abdomen, I cringed and moaned a little bit, “Maybe this is it!” I thought. I nudged Nick awake and told him that I thought the baby might be coming, he was very groggy and asked if I minded if he went back to sleep, and so he did. The contractions continued for the next hour and a half, and then stopped. So much for that!

I had a very restless sleep that night. I kept thinking that maybe the contractions would start again. I was so anxious to have this baby and to not be pregnant anymore!

In the morning Nick woke up and realized that he’d slept the whole night, and no baby. He decided to not go into work that day, I had a midwife appointment that morning so he decided to go along.

During the appointment my midwife handed me some documents about inducement and carrying past term, “Just to ward off the demons” she said. Nick was convinced that she didn’t think the baby was coming anytime soon. I really, really hoped this wasn’t the case! We spent the rest of the day relaxing and enjoying the fact that he wasn’t at work and it was just the two of us. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before so I went to have a nap. I woke up and had a long, relaxing bath. I got dressed in a nightgown and headed downstairs to see Nick.

As I was standing talking to him I felt something trickle down my leg. I thought I must have not done a very job drying myself off, I was so big now I must have missed a spot! But just as that thought crossed my mind I felt a huge gush, and I stared at Nick in disbelief - my water just broke! It was just after 9pm, so Nick thought he’d better call everyone to let them know before it got too late. Our midwife said to try to get some sleep as it could be a long night ahead.

I lay there but there was no chance of sleeping. Nick meanwhile was washing the floor, feeding the cats, touching up paint on the walls, all of his projects he had meant to do before baby arrived!

At about 10pm my contractions started, and they were STRONG. My first one knocked me down on my knees, I couldn’t believe the intensity. They were coming about every 15 minutes, and an hour after they started I told Nick to call my mom and our doula to let them know they needed to come soon.

The contractions kept getting stronger, but I found that if I leaned against the stairs I felt like I was in a better position to deal with them. My dear cat Chloe sat with me on the steps and licked my forehead, she must have been wondering why I was in such pain!

Nick started the shower for me and I sat there letting the water rush over me, it was so nice to have the distraction and the heat was making my back feel so much better. The water started to get cold (stupid small hot water tank!) so I got out and sat in the rocking chair.

At about midnight my mom and my doula (Tamara) arrived. As I sat and rocked Tamara massaged my feet and my mom and Nick held my hands. The contractions were coming about every 5 minutes at this point and I really hoped my midwife would get there soon.

At 1 am my first midwife Patti arrived. She checked me and said I was already 5cm dilated, “Thank God! Halfway there!” The contractions were so strong and I couldn’t fight the urge to push. Patti ran a hot bath for me and taught me a breathing technique to help ward off the pushing. I relaxed into the water and tried to let my mind slip away. I alternated between the water, the toilet, and crouching on the bed. Nick held my hand the whole way and Tamara stroked my back. I was so incredibly nauseous and kept having to vomit. Patti offered me some gravol to help make it stop but in my head I kept thinking, “Gravol is a drug, no drugs… can’t take drugs.” So I refused and kept on puking (stupid stubbornness). I just tried to focus and be in my own thoughts. Everything else just seemed to melt away…..

It seemed like only a short while later when Patti checked me again and said I was 9cm, almost there! At this point I could not fight the urge to push and she let me just give in. I was in so much pain and so exhausted that she thought I should get into the tub again. I hadn’t planned for a water birth – but it looked like that’s what I was going to get!

So there we were, me in the tub, Nick holding my hand, Patti sitting beside, my mom, and Tamara filming the birth, all in my little tiny bathroom! We were still waiting for my second midwife Kimberley to arrive and I hoped she wouldn’t miss the birth!

The baby crowned for about 15 minutes, in between pushes I felt his head and his hair floating in the water. Almost there… just need to focus…Kimberley finally arrived, and I pushed and pushed, and finally HE WAS OUT! Patti put him on my chest and Nick and I just stared in amazement. We did it! At 3:53 am on his due date, June 14, 2006, our little baby Tristan had arrived. He screamed out his arrival and Nick looked at me and said “I’m sure this is the only time I’ll say this, but that is the most beautiful sound in the world.”

After the midwives checked out me and the baby and handled all of the paper work, Tamara and my mom kissed us goodbye and tucked us into bed. There we were, Nick, Tristan, and I, all snuggled together as a family.

Wow, what a night! It was such a gift to have had such a wonderful birth, at home, naturally without any interventions, just as I had wanted it.

Clean Slate

2006-11-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

We had a huge snowfall last night and all of the houses in the suburbs look like a gingerbread village dusted with icing sugar, beatiful and delicious. This is just the kind of day that I needed.

Yesterday was a bad day. I had a miscarriage yesterday morning, and even though I didn't know I was pregnant, it's still hard. At the time I really wasn't that upset, just in physical pain. Last night though Tristan was having problems sleeping in his crib so he came to bed and snuggled up against me, and I held him close to my chest and just thought, "Wow, we could have had this again in a few months, and now we're not going to."

It's truly for the best, I am honestly thinking now that I only want one child, it just makes you think.

In happier news, I am registered to go to a workshop on starting your own dayhome in December. It would be nice to be able to say home with the babe and earn an income at the same time. There were basically three choices - just stay home with Tristan and not have any money (not a good option for me, Nick and I aren't very good at being frugal), go back to work and put Tristan into daycare (I don't like this option as I don't want someone else raising my child), or have a dayhome which can make me money and allow me to stay home with my son (and gives Tristan some in-house playmates). So that's the plan! And for all of you thinking "Sam, run a dayhome? Seriously?" I actually used to help out with running a dayhome when I was in grades 11 and 12 so it's not a foreign concept to me. There were 8 kids there though, I'm aiming for 2-3.

So, that's life in a nutshell. I am going to go and cozy up to the fire with my hot chocolate and my kitties before Tristan wakes up.

Happy snow day everyone!

The case for natural cleaners

2006-11-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

I greatly dislike using chemical cleaners. I either make my own or buy organic. And this reminds me of why.

Truthfully in the past I didn’t even give much thought into what I was using to clean with. The more I read though it seemed impossible to ignore that these are dangerous. We’re talking about products that can burn our skin, poison our lungs, pollute our water, and yet people are using them every single day and don’t even consider the costs of their actions.

It’s not difficult to go natural, really, it’s not. If you don’t want to take the 5 minutes every week to mix them yourself, then buy a good all-purpose cleaner from the natural food store. If everyone did this I really believe the world could be a much safer, healthier place for everyone.

Mom's Night Out

2006-11-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Thank-you to my wonderful friends who took me out, fed me, and gave me alcohol, much appreciated! Last night was honestly the first time that I have gone out since Tristan was born that I didn't worry about him. I know that it seems silly that I would ever worry about leaving him with his dad, but of course, I do.

Now, don't get me wrong, Nick is a wonderful father, but it's that stubborn mom streak. I have the boobs, therefore I hold the power (with the baby anyway). Nobody, not my husband, my mother, my mother-in-law, could possibly live up to my expectations. Let's face it, most days I don't live up to my own expectations.

In my head, Tristan's ideal caregiver would change his diaper right away when it was wet, would be engaged with him the whole time playing and stimulating him, and would bathe him and have him in bed by 8:30pm.

Now, my reality is much different. Admittedly I end up putting him in his exersaucer so I can do laundry, clean, cook, whatever. I sometimes leave him to cry for a couple of minutes in a wet diaper if I am in the middle of something. And with me lately he never, ever, goes to bed on time. I also let him play by himself on the floor, or cuddle with me on the couch so I can enjoy watching tv for an hour or so and relax.

We can't all be perfect though. And we definitely can't be perfect at everything. There are not enough hours in the day to spend all of them with my child, have a squeaky clean house, make sure my husband is content, devote time to my spirituality and new hearth, and somehow have some ME time so that I don't go flippin insane. And Nick wonders why some days I am down right grouchy!

He loves me, he really really loves me!

2006-11-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Nicky said I can get another kitty! Actually I think he said "Do whatever you want." Usually I sense his disapproval and do not do whatever I want, but not this time. I just emailed Meow to find out about my kitty. YAY! So in love with this cat...

I've decided more cats, no more babies...

2006-11-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

I have cats on the brain...

I stupidly check out the Meow Foundation website to look at their beautiful kitties for adoption from time to time, and I've fallen in love!

His name is Snocone and he's BEAUTIFUL! So sweet. I know people think I'm nuts, but 3 cats isn't that bad is it? I know they drive me crazy sometimes but life without them would be so boring.

Perhaps my lovely husband will consent as a Christmas gift to me. Maybe... if he loves me enough...

*sings* All I want for Christmas is a brand new kitty, a brand new kitty, a brand new kitty.

Contentment

2006-10-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

Last night we celebrated Samhain in our first ritual of the Sunlit Hearth. All I have to say is - wow! It was amazing! Jeff & I drove down to Claresholm and as a group we went to Cripple Creek. It was a truly beautiful place. Tristan was absolutely loving the wind and the fall colours on the prarie were spectacular.

I won't divulge any of the ritual, but it was really really special. What a gift to be able to celebrate with such dear friends.

I brought home the pumpkin I had carved in ritual and Milo promptly set to work at fishing the tea light out of his mouth - and he did eventually succeed! Looks like the little guy is enjoying his first Halloween so far.

And now this morning everything is covered in a blanket of beautiful snow. It seems appropriate, a layer of snow to cover up the past. Everything looks fresh, beautiful, and still. I think that this new path is a rebirth and the start of something really incredible.

Avon!

2006-10-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

I am really embracing my new stay-home-mom role... I have signed up to be an Avon representative. Woohoo! So if anyone is interested, let me know... I've got lots of catalogues to go around. I'm actually looking forward to it. I don't except to make any money off of it, but I like their products and I buy it for myself, so why not?

Tristan, Month 4 Newsletter

2006-10-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,
Wow! This last month flew by so quickly that I forgot to post your newsletter! This last month has been a little hard, I have to admit. I have felt a little tired and rundown, some days I have felt guilty that I am not as energetic as I feel I should be for you... I hope you forgive me, I'm still new to this mom thing and I had no idea that entertaining a little baby all day would be so exhausting.

At least you sleep... you used to go to bed promptly at 8pm... now it's more like 10pm when you finally decide to completely exhaust yourself and collapse. But you do nap, and for that I am extremely thankful. I had to remind myself tonight as I again tried to nurse you to sleep that these are the moments to treasure. Some day down the road, you will be embarrased to acknowledge that I exist in public, but for now, I am your first love, and for that I am so grateful.

You have changed so much this last month! You are so strong and you've gotten pretty good at attemtpting to sit on your own. You love to play on your belly on the floor, and you have gotten so good at grasping objects in front of you.

I have noticed such a change in your looks this month. I still see glimmers of you as a newborn, but already I can see glimpses into what you will look like as a man. You look so much like your Grandpa! Sometimes I look at you and it just brings me to tears because I look into your eyes and I see him. You have no idea how much it means to me to see that. I hope that someday you will ask me, "Tell me about Grandpa" and I will. I will tell you about how strong he was, and how he could charm anyone in the room... and I will tell you how proud he would be of his grandson, because let me tell you, he would have loved to see you!

When people used to tell me how much I would love you, I would shrug it off. Of course I would love you! But I didn't understand.... this month it has been overwhelming. You are my soul, my light. On the days when I feel tired like I wish I didn't have to get out of bed, all I have to do is gaze at you sleeping in your crib and I think, "How did I get so lucky?"

Years from now, when you've left home and start a family of your own, I will look back on this month and remember that this is the month that I truly fell in love.

Love,
Momma
xoxoxoxoxox

Relief

2006-10-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good day. Sometimes things happen that shake you to your core, make you stop and evaluate who you are and what you have done. Sometimes we regret what we have done, and sometimes we don't. Today, I don't. I know that I have hurt some people who have been a big part of my life, I have been hurt as well. Doesn't make it right, doesn't make it fair, but that's the way it is. It feels now that the cycle is complete and it can now dissolve itself.

I feel renewed spiritually, more creative, more drive to move forward, to learn and grow. Sometimes we need to just close the book on the past, it's not about starting a new chapter, it's about just tearing up the old book and starting a new one! I don't think that there is anything more raw and passionate than spirituality, it is our very spirit and center, sharing that with others is always difficult and not always pretty. Sometimes you want to fight for it, and other times you realize that it is just better to let it go.

It seems appropriate that all of this has happened at Samhain... it is the death of what was, and the rebirth of something new.

WORST NIGHT EVER

2006-10-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

I do not begrudge Nick his nights out, I really don't, but last night I really could have used some help.

Nick went out to his friends place with the intention of getting really drunk and staying over. I was actually kind of looking forward to it. I thought Tristan would go to bed and I would stay up drinking root beer, watching "Project Runway" and cross stiching, all the makings of a perfect evening. Yeah, that sooooooo did not happen.

Tristan fell asleep at 8:15 while I was nursing him, so I put him in his crib and called my mother to brag at how great my baby was. After that it all went to hell in a handbasket. Tristan woke up screaming 5 minutes later, so I brought him downstairs to cuddle on the couch... apparently Heidi Klum just doesn't do it for him because he then proceeded to scream at the tv. We then had 4 MORE HOURS of screaming, yes people, 4. The cats were sitting there staring at him with horrified expressions as if to say "How do we turn this thing off, Mom?" We finally both fell asleep while I was nursing him in bed at about 1:00am. It was hell...

But, now it's 9:40am and the kid's still sleeping, so I'm making up for lost time - drinking root beer, watching Antique's Roadshow, and cross stitching. Woohoo, I am a party animal!

Suddenly I came to my senses....

2006-10-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

In our new parent glow and awe at our beautiful boy, Nick and I had decided that having a new baby right away would be great - double the fun, right? Thankfully we've come out of the psychosis and decided maybe not so much fun. I have had two days of feeling crappy and it sparked something in my brain to remind me of how crappy I felt while I was pregnant. There was the non-stop morning sickness in my first trimester, the arthritis flair-ups, the so tired all I can do is sleep all day. That does not sound like something I want to tackle along with Tristan starting to talk, walk, eat, you know, all the basics.

A part of me is sad about the decision, it almost feels like if we don't just let nature takes it course, then maybe when we do decide we want another one it just won't happen. I have to remind myself it's not a now or never kind of thing though.

Right now I want to enjoy all of Tristan's milestones, relish in having free time when he sleeps in and naps during the day, and focus on this new house. Nick started to worry that if I got pregnant right away we wouldn't be able to go to England in the spring, it would be another hellish moving scenario with me not being able to lift anything, and landscaping the new yard would be a one man job. These were all things that we were looking forward to doing together, so now we don't have to stress about it.

And who knows, maybe in the next year I can get myself back to a size 4 and feel like myself again (I can dream, right?)

Spending and the new house

2006-10-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you all are wondering how our "no spending" thing is going. Actually, pretty well. I have not bought anything on my no-no list - no books, no clothes, no toys for Tristan, and I haven't missed it. Of course, the reason why I'm probably not missing it is because we have started shopping for the new house. Nothing helps you to not miss spending money like, well, spending money!

But let me take a moment to gush about the new house, because it's going to be pretty freaking amazing! On Friday we went and pick all of our cabinetry. We are going to have beautiful maple cabinets with a Forest Green stain on them, very chic. Similar to these:

I have lots of pots and pans drawers and a built-in spice rack and cutlery drawer, I'm drooling over those. When we go to buy our appliances I'm going with stainless steel - I know not always the most practical with fingerprints and such, but with the green, I think they'll be really sharp.

It wasn't time for us to pick our lighting yet, but we were by Carrington so we thought we'd stop in and look and ended up just buying a couple of lights out of pocket because they were on sale and I really, really, really wanted them! I got the cutest chandalier for Tristan's room with little airplanes on it - we had already decided to do an airplane theme for his room so I had to have it, and they had a matching table lamp. For the dining nook we found the perfect Tiffany chandalier to compliment our green cupboards and antique oiled brass hardware:

When we go to pick the rest of the lighting I think we're going to go with mostly Tiffany fixtures because I just love them so much!

So things are totally coming together. We're getting a foundation this week and have a posession date for April 1st. YAY!

Memories

2006-10-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

Fall always seems the time to reminisce.... to look back on all of our accomplishments and failures, not to judge, but just to remember. To think on the past and pull up those old emotions, slip them on like an old comfy sweater and snuggle into them, if only for a moment. So many random memories have been flying into my head lately...

My grandparents garden in Sidney... my dad and I have been raking up the dead, wet leaves from the back field as my grandfather stokes the fire barrel to send them to their smokey demise. I couldn't have been more than 6, but determined to be a big girl I am hoisting up that rake that is twice my size, wearing my dad's old flannel shirt that scrapes the ground, I am quite the sight. I can just smell the mustiness of the leaves and the ash of the fire. I miss moments like that when it felt like nothing bad could ever happen because my dad and my grandpa would always be there to protect me. It's hard not to long to be an innocent child again...

It's my sister's birthday and she is turning 8 years old. She gets to go away to brownie camp for her birthday, so before she goes she convinces my mom to get her a new kitten. We go to the pet store and Jen selects the runt of the litter, a little calico cat who is so riddled with fleas she is a pathetic little sight. My mom takes pity on the little kitten and brings her home. Jen declares that her name will be "Colours" and I instantly hate it. While she is away I decide that she will be "Thumper" because she is scratching at her fleas so furiously that her back paw makes a constant thumping noise on the ground. She never was Jen's cat, she was mine from the start, and Thumper was my best friend until she passed away just 2 days before my 19th birthday. Even now just thinking of her makes me cry...

I have finally decided that dating is not so bad afterall (as long as you don't take it so seriously). I've been seeing a couple of guys and it's not going so badly. I meet this guy Nick on the internet, I'm not too sure about him, seems like we have lots in common, but he's not my usual "type" (perhaps that's a good thing?) So I figure, what the hell? If nothing else, it's a free cup of coffee. As it turns out, I bought the coffee and we sat outside in the freezing weather as my rolo cappucino gathered ice crystals. We decided to go across the street to the smokey little bar with open mike night, after many glasses of bad wine and irish coffee to warm my frozen fingers, I realize "Wow! I really like this guy".... I go home that night and tell my mom "I just met the man I'm going to marry" She laughs at me, saying that I'm overly dramatic, as always. On our wedding day she remembered my comment though and says "I guess you were right."

Life has been good to me. Sometimes I feel like I have lost more than most people, but I think I have loved more as well. I have had so many blessings in this life, too numerous to count. And two of those blessings are snuggled up in bed having a nap, and I think I'll go join them.

Save me from myself

2006-09-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

I have come to the startling realization that I annoy the piss out of myself. In fact, if I were my friend, I would pretend I didn't know me and walk the other way when I said "Hi!"

All of those utterly annoying things that other mothers do that I swore I never would, yeah, well, we all know how well THAT turned out.

1) When Tristan was first born people used to say "He's so tiny!" and I would have to resist the murderous urge to wrap my fingers around their neck and shout "I just pushed this kid out my body WITHOUT DRUGS, you want to call him tiny again! Huh? Do you?"
Now what do I do? "Oh look at the pictures of Tristan when he was first born, honey, isn't he tiny? *shudder* I disgust myself....

2) Baby talk. I thought I had the self control to talk to my child like a normal human being. Who was I kidding? "Does Tristan has a poopy diaper? Ewww! Stinky! Better go and change your bum bum!" And to think that I considered majoring in English in University. Next...

3) We all know about the sweat pants. Don't I look fabulous?

4) I have stopped showering every day. If my hair looks decent, I will forgo the daily dip under the water. Why? I'm lazy, plain and simple. Not showering means I have an extra half hour to sit on my ass. And who doesn't want that?

5)Before I had a baby I was disgusted by people saying "Oh he's just so cute I could eat him up!" Is cannabalism supposed to be a compliment? Now I totally get it! I have been caught with a foot in my mouth (not mine, Tristan's) from time to time. I had to find out if babies tasted as good as they smell.

6) I am mothering my husband. I tell him to put his shoes away, hang up his pants, monitor what he's been eating, 'cause you know, not enough fibre could be bad for your prostate.

Here I thought I would be this hip, chic, diva of the suburbs... instead I'm schlepping it with the rest of you. And you know what, I guess that's not so bad afterall. I know some pretty freaking great moms out there, despite all of our quirks, that's what makes us moms. What more could I ask for?

Oh NO!

2006-09-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

Now remember when I said Milo was a thief?

Well, the little shit has upped the ante. He stole my wedding rings! (I'm hoping Milo stole them anyway, the other alternative is that Chloe ate them)

My rings have been loose for weeks now, and last night while lying in bed I finally got sick of it and slipped them off to rest on my night table. Of course, I thought nothing of it, and in fact entirely forgot that I had taken them off until just a moment ago and they're GONE! Little buggers, I hope I find them before Nick gets home.

And honey, if you're reading this I love you, and don't worry, if I can't find them insurance should cover it. And no, you can't kill the cats because of it.

This is what heaven looks like....

2006-09-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

That's right, they are ALL asleep. Ahhh, peaceful silence...

What do I have to do, scream for sympathy?

2006-09-25T13:03:00.000-07:00

I fell down my basement stairs last night, or rather, I fell up the stairs. It's a rare talent the women in my family possess for completely missing the next step and falling backwards. Nobody could ever accuse us of being graceful. I was trekking up from doing my umpteenth load of laundry, and fell back down five stairs scraping and bruising my shin and whacking my hip. And what does my lovely husband do about it? Nothing! He was washing dishes in the kitchen and completely ignored my plight. I spent the rest of the evening pointing out the injuries I had sustained, trying to lay on the guilt that he didn't come to rescue me. His defence was "I thought that you were either dead, or didn't need help." Obviously if I had really wanted sympathy I would have bawled at the top of my lungs until he came to save me. Lesson learned - when in doubt, take the lead from Tristan and cry for attention. What's good enough for him, is good enough for me.

I have a problem...

2006-09-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I was a a shopaholic... but I have now realized that it's not just shopping I'm addicted to, it's spending money in general. I hold on to this shallow view that the next pair of jeans, that next cookbook, the next whatever is going to complete what I have and change my life. After that purchase I'll be done, I swear! (yeah right) The truth is, it's never enough. I stumbled across this blog called Enough is Enough, and she has truly inspired me! This woman has set herself the goal of not buying anything for six motnhs (there are exceptions, of course). And I am going to attempt to do it!

Here are my rules:

Acceptable:
Food & drinks
Toiletries (only NECESSARY items, use up items before replacing)
Cleaning supplies
Christmas gifts (Nick & I made a list)
Exceptions: USED clothing items can be bought with the proceeds from consigned items

No-No’s:
Clothes
Shoes
Books/ DVD’s/Magazines
Furniture & decorative items
Kitchen gadgets, dishes, & linens
Toys
Electronics

Now, here's the difference with me - I'm not just going to attempt to this for 6 months, I am going to try to do this until Nick and I move into our new house. We have all these grand dreams of landscaping our new yard, and being able to decorate it so that it is just right, but that takes money. So do I want yet more books that will sit on my shelf and not get read...or do I want a Mountain Ash for my backyard? It's all about priorities.
And here it is.... this is what our goal is:

I also want to kick myself of this consumerism habit. I don't want to raise Tristan in a world where he feels like he needs stuff to make him more complete. I don't want him to be defined about what toys he has, what clothes he wears.

....and now my confession. In writing this post I went to upload our house picture to Flickr and found that I had reached my upload limit for the month and I almost paid the $24.95 for a pro account *smacks self* Bad Sam! BAD!

They're what we like to call "special"

2006-09-19T13:44:00.000-07:00

My cats have issues, big issues. I have had cats all my life, and I know that, like people, they all come with their own quirks. My cats don't just have quirks though, they have problems.

Let's start with Chloe, beautiful fuzzy little Chloe. As most of you know, she's got a pee issue. Now, we thought we had solved the pee issue, but nope, a few days ago she did it again. She also did it again this morning. I think she waited until we loved her enough to try to handle it before starting it again. Not only does Chloe have the pee problem, she has chewing problems. Perhaps she thinks she's a dog, but this cat will eat anything and everything within her reach. She just about ate clean through the power cord for my breast pump. She shows absolutely no mercy with elastic bands, she can devour one in 3 seconds flat. I was trying to have a nap on the couch this morning until I was startled by Chloe chewing on my leather belt. She also has teeth marks all over her collar tag from trying to eat it (maybe she thought it had a chocolate centre). I have truly never seen anything like it! Dogs I understand, but not cats.... she's an odd ball. She's been trying to cope with having a new little brother by hiding in the basement. Much to her chagrin Milo found her hiding place this morning and decided it looked like a good place to cuddle:

Then there's Milo. We've nicknamed him "Stinky" because Milo farts whenever he's relaxed. It's such a shame because he's so cute and cuddly, but inevitably you'll be cuddling him for a couple of minutes and then he drops a bomb on you. Thanks bud, real cute. Farting aside, he's also a little thief. It started innocently enough with him stealing Nick's socks off the livingroom floor. This I had no problem with because he would carry them into the basement, conveniently closer to the washer. Then he started getting a little more bold, opening up the lid to my cross stitch basket and stealing my thread (thankfully that got stuck in the cat door so he didn't get too far with it). His latest play toy is toilet paper. He takes it off the roll one square at a time, plays with it until it's a shredded mess, hides it under the bed, then takes another square. He also decided that the houseplants made a better toilet then his litter box, thankfully I think we've nipped that one in the bud. Milo is a pretty cool little cat though. We've saved money on cat toys because he thinks the baby toys are just his size:

He even likes to watch TV with us from the comfort of his bed:

Despite it all, I can't imagine life without these little troublemakers. A life without cats is just not worth contemplating. Nick disagrees, he told me if I got another cat he'd divorce me (idle threats....... he knows I'd choose the cats)

Tristan, Month Three Newsletter

2006-09-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Tristan,

Wow, three months old! And what a month this has been. I can’t believe how quickly you grow. This month has been really fun because you’re starting to turn into more of your own person. You smile more, and you have started to laugh. Oh how I love your laughs!

Your favorite source of amusement seems to be the cats. And man do they love you! At the beginning of the month we adopted Milo, a 5 month old kitten. After Rowan went missing we thought Chloe could use a companion so that she would quit trying to use you for her play toy. As it turns out, Milo plays with you more than Chloe ever did, so that plan kind of back fired. They are so gentle though and just like snuggle next to you while you play with your floor gym. Milo’s favorite time is when we’re nursing and he can curl up on the pillow beside you. You don’t seem to mind having a warm fuzzy kitty purring next to you either.

You developed a UTI this past month which was pretty stressful on me and your daddy. I was so worried about your health, but nothing seems to faze you. You were still your bright and happy self through it all, despite numerous doctors appointments and being poke and prodded. Hopefully you’re all better now J

Despite the infection you are still growing like a weed. Who needs to work out when I am carrying you around all day? I think I’m stronger than ever! You love to be held up in the air and bounced around. Anything that will give you a better view of what’s going on is all good in your books. You are so curious now, it’s rare to see you looking in one direction for longer than a split second. There is so much to take in and you don’t want to miss anything!

Last week you came with me to Fernie to visit your Auntie Naomi. I was a little nervous about how you would react to her puppies, but it was love at first sight. Mischa licked your face and your toes and you squealed and giggled your delight, so I guess no reason to worry! Your Auntie Naomi thought you were the cutest baby in the whole world.
We ended up cutting our trip a little short because you have started teething and were not in your most charming of moods. You are such a good boy in the car though and slept almost all the way home.

Since you are growing so fast and are so curious about your surroundings, Daddy and I bought you an activity center with lots of fun toys to play with. I am amazed at all you are able to do with it! You grasp at the blocks, and have fun hitting the buttons to make the kitty “meow” and the cow “moo”, you are so much fun to play with now!

I hate to rush you along, but it is just so fun to see you learn and grasp new things. I cherish each day with you because it is always a new adventure. You seem to get more beautiful with each passing week. How lucky we are!

Love Momma

xoxoxoxoxoxo

Love/Hate

2006-09-13T04:57:00.000-07:00

Suffering from a wicked case of "Tristan woke up at 4:30am and no I can't get back to sleep"....soooo, to pass the time:

(in no particular order)

Things I love:
1. Seeing Tristan's smile when he first wakes up in the morning
2. The kitties cuddling on my lap, if they're purring even better
3. Warm cozy sweaters
4. Hot chocolate with marshmallows and a shot of gingerbread syrup
5. Snuggling up to Nick in the middle of the night, especially if I've just woken up from a nightmare
6. Joe Boxer flannel pajamas
7. Singing to Jann Arden in the shower (when nobody else is home to hear me, of course)
8. Misty mornings
9. Jack O' Lanterns
10. The first snow fall
11. Hot bubble baths
12. New books, whether I read them or not is irrelevant, having them near me makes me happy
13. Throw blankets or quilts
14. My mom's meat loaf
15. Driving by myself with the music cranked
16. Having all the washing and ironing done, such a feeling of accomplishment!
17. Trying out a new recipe
18. Watching old TV reruns
19. That first hour in the morning with just me and a cup of tea
20. Fresh summer fruit
21. Getting mail
22. Men's Armani cologne
23. Pretty smelling shower gel
24. Tickling Nick's feet, he always gets the cutest smile
25. Grimm's Fairy Tales

Things I Hate:
1. Getting my hair cut
2. Cleaning the cat litter
3. Public restrooms
4. Packing for a trip
5. Having to pay for car repairs
6. Tailgaters
7. Football
8. Coldplay
9. Ironing
10. Religious zealots
11. Doctor's offices/ Hospitals
12. Hang nails
13. Anything made of brass
14. Cat pee
15. Bad service in a restaurant
16. Buying underwear
17. Soap Operas
18. Having a bazillion remotes to operate the TV
19. When people tell me what the weather forecast is - if I cared I'd look it up
20. The fact that Milo can't clean his own ass
21. Brushing my teeth
22. Waking up hungry in the middle of the night
23. Dogs licking me
24. Having to pee when you're not near a bathroom
25. Construction delays on our new house

Style for Sale

2006-09-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

I have fallen into a grave and hideous mommy trap. I have gone to a place that I never thought I would go, and I have done it willingly. Yes, I now wear sweat pants. And not only do I wear them, I love to wear them. Yes, I wear matching sweatsuits and I bum around in runners or flip flops. I have gone against everything that I felt was holy and sacred. I carry around a worn out hobo bag that really should be retired, and no I don't particularily care if that spit up that I thought I wiped up earlier was entirely removed or not - it's just going to get dirty again anyway.

I have cleaned out my closet to take the relics of my old life to a consignment store, and it is full of beautiful spike heeled boots, Kenneth Cole blazers, and perfectly tailored Banana Republic trousers - but that's not me anymore. I don't really pine for that old life, in fact I find it odd that I hardly remember it. Now my dream outfit is a colourful t-shirt, a big comfy hoodie, and a pair of sweatpants that hopefully hides my ass well enough that I can be seen in public.

So how did I get to this point? I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to throw fashion to the wind. I think pregnancy is a transition in more ways than one. Sure that nine months serves as a time for you to read and study up on how you are going to be the best damn mommy there is. But it also prepares you to say goodbye to clothes with "dry clean only" labels and pointy-toed shoes. During my pregnancy I was happy to have a pair of pants that didn't cut off the circulation in my ever-growing thighs, who cared what they looked like! I even owned a pair of brown polyester pants, BROWN! POLYESTER! And Nick married me in that state, what a guy.

Now my qualifications for an outfit are: can I pull up my shirt easily to nurse, does it wash easily, and will it hide puke (or worse) stains if we have an accident while we're out? And, can't forget most importantly, is it comfortable? Stacey and Clinton would be horrified with me.

So, my old style is officially for sale, that is if you happen to still be a size 4 (in which case you OBVIOUSLY don't have children, and if you do, I don't want to hear about it). It's all in bags in the basement, ready to be trucked out to sell. Come on baby, momma needs a new pair of sweats!

Random Update

2006-09-07T16:58:00.000-07:00

First an update on Tristan: We had to endure the horror of the doctor's office yesterday. After listening to what a bad parent I was for not having him vaccinated and letting him suck his thumb, we were giving a referral to a urologist (sounds like a fun job, doesn't it?), an appointment for an ultrasound next week, and another test kit. So today I had the pleasure of running urine samples to the lab, thankfully we live close. I'm crossing my fingers that everything will come out okay, it's just stressful. At least he's still sleeping well at night, because I have to admit I'm feeling pretty worn down this week. Feels like somebody slugged me over the head with a 2X4 and left me lying there bleeding.

For some happy news, Milo got neutered yesterday, yay! (Maybe not so yay for him) I'm happy to get that out of the way before he discovered what was down there. Chloe missed him terribly while he was away for the day, so I feel content that she does in fact love him and enjoy his companionship. I have to admit, I was wondering.

I joined Weight Watchers and I'm going back to the gym next week. I have lost most of my pregnancy weight, but there seems to be a stubborn 10 pounds hanging on. Nick and I are hoping to get pregnant again ASAP (I know, it's not likely while I'm nursing), so it's best to be in prime shape so that I can get ready to shock the heck out of it again.

And tomorrow I am off to Fernie! I get to finally see Naomi's house and introduce her to my little man. It's just me and the babe going, which will be interesting. This will be the longest Nick and I have been away from each other since we started dating, it's sad. I'll miss him, but I'm sure he'll enjoy the break from family life. And I will get to keep Naomi all to myself and enjoy a girl's weekend. As a happy coincidence it also happens to be the weekend my parents decided to go and stay at their condo in Lizard Creek so I may be able to get some grandparent babysitting in, and partake of the hot tub and pool.

Have a great weekend everybody!

What's a mother to do?

2006-09-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Day 10 of Tristan's round of antibiotics to clear up his UTI. It seemed to me that it must be gone - he was his normal happy self, he was sleeping well, no more tell tale signs of infection. Then this morning I change his diaper, and lo and behold, there is blood in his urine again. He goes back to the doctor tomorrow, but I can't help already starting the freak out in my head. And I can just see it now, I'm going to go in, they'll take another urine sample and refer me to a pediatrician. All of this culminating with my head exploding because I cannot stand the stress of waiting for bad news.

I'm feeling a bit beaten down this morning. I just want him to be happy and healthy, that is all any mother wishes for her child. So why can't I make him better? If his UTI is in fact still there, I think I'm going to go see a naturopath and explore all of our options.

I hate to think that he's hurting and can't tell me what's wrong. It seems like such a blessing and a curse to be responsible for your child's welfare. It is such a gift, but such a weight on your shoulders to know that the choices you make, or don't make, could affect them in the future.

All I can do right now is wait....and that quite frankly SUCKS.

Breastfeeding in a Bottlefeeding Culture

2006-09-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

I just read a fantastic article in Mothering Magazine titled "Taking down the almighty bottle." Basically the whole point the author is trying to get across is that we are constantly bombarded with images of bottles as being the "normal" way to feed a baby, "The incidence of bottle homage are often subtle enough that we do not see them. They operate as a sort of smokescreen." And it's so true! How many of us had baby dolls when we were little girls and we gave them a bottle to feed them? Shower cards and gift wrap usually have bottles adorned across them as the international symbol for baby. It seems innocent enough, but what message are we sending as a culture?

"How did it happen that human milk is denied the propriety off the generic term milk? How did the milk of cows, a completely different species, achieve the honor - and the branding advantage - of milk?" That's an interesting statement to think about. That's some brainwashing the dairy farmers have been able to pull over on us. And to that effect, why is it so socially taboo to breastfeed your toddler, however giving them cow's milk out of a bottle or sippy cup is perfectly acceptable?

"That breastfeeding a child in public is even an issue is one of the most telling examples of the supremacy of bottlefeeding." This is one of those statements that can just get my blood boiling because it's so true! I have been given dirty looks for breastfeeding Tristan in public, despite the fact that I am as discreet as possible. When is it that feeding your baby became indecent? It's sad to me that so many mothers feel that they need to hide, and it's that exact perception of having to be alone and feed your baby in private that makes so many women choose to bottle feed. The perception that formula feeding is easier and more convenient only exists because women are caving to social pressures.

Where the author lost me though was with her comment "Even families who are committed to breastfeeding are prone to unknowingly undermine their success by giving a baby the occasional bottle........ We seem to be willing to risk nipple confusion, a baby's preference for the bottle over the breast, a threatened milk supply, colic, premature weaning, and worse, just so mom can go out for coffee without baby once or twice." Did I miss the whole point here? To me it's all about where the milk is coming from, and not necessarily how it gets into the baby. While I agree that the nursing relationship in and of itself is important, I can count of my fingers the number of times Tristan has been given a bottle, and it works out to less than once a week since he was born. Do I think this is acceptable? Damn right I do! I think the reason why a lot of women DON'T breastfeed is because of that feeling of being trapped. I don't do it often, but it's nice to know that if I need a sanity break, I can leave the house for an hour and not worry about whether Tristan is going to be screaming his little head off because his belly is rumbling. Is that so wrong?

So I guess I have a few questions to all of you - what can we do as individuals to foster a culture where breastfeeding is the norm? And do you find it offensive when women breastfeed in public?

My debut

2006-08-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Wow, my inaugural post in my brand new, all important blog! It seems that I should be saying something of substance, something that will be of importance for years to come, but I admit that I am no philosopher. Some days I feel like being a SAHM has robbed me of all of my intelligence and ability to speak in complete sentences. Nowadays my topics of choice are usually breastfeeding, diapers, and what I'm going to make for dinner. But as boring as that may sound, I could not, would not, go back to the ways things were B.T. (before Tristan). There is nothing that makes you more socially and environmentally conscious than having a child. Suddenly you have a future, a legacy. It's no longer all about you, it's about this tiny little person that you have created, and all you can think about is nurturing him and creating the type of environment that fosters his health, growth, and development. I think that's why my outlook has changed so much since I became pregnant and had Tristan. B.T. I was admittedly quite shallow, caught up on making more money, having nicer clothes, being able to afford the Benz. Now all of my energy is pooled into Tristan, poor kid, let's hope I don't screw this up too badly.